If You Could See Into My Soul
by Kelly Quit Lollygagging
Summary: Bella Swan has daddy issues. Her mother hasn't cared since the day she left. Cailee is thrown into this tiny hell. What happens when new students come to town and Bella realizes she's not alone? Will Edward make her face her demons? Or he his own? AH/BxE
1. Beginning Of The End

**I **f **Y **o u** C **o u l d S e e I n t o M y S o u l

**C**hapter **1 **- **B**eginning **O**f **T**he **E**nd

**B** e l l a ' s **P O V**

I pulled into my best friend, Alice's, driveway. I turned off my blue Ford Fusion and stepped into the bitter August morning. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing my hands on my arms to warm myself. Oh, the joys of the first day of school in the lovely Cleveland, Ohio.

I knocked three times before walking inside. As usual, the house was quiet and empty, except for the occasional creak or cuss from Alice above, and her little Yorkshire that liked to believe it was a Rotweiler.

I pushed him gently aside and trudged my way upstairs, dodging stray shoes and clothes.

"Knock, knock," I said, stifling a yawn, as I pushed the door open.

"Hey Bells," Alice mumbled, twisting to see her ass in the mirror.

I crossed the room and sat down on the edge of her bed. As usual, her room was a mess. New clothes sat in bags and old clothes graced the floor everywhere. Her shoes were thrown into a pile in the corner, what didn't fit in the closet anyway.

I sighed impatiently and looked at the time on my phone.

"Oh, stop your sighing. How do I look?" she trilled, spinning, her yellow polka dot dress flying up.

"Wonderful as always. Can we go before we're late?" I asked as a picture on her dresser caught my eye.

"We won't be late, and no one would care if we were. It's the first day," she reminded me brightly as she pulled on a pair of brown wedges that looked fit for the runway, not high school.

I got up and grabbed the picture. It was one of her and I at one of our frequent sleepovers, our faces green from the beauty mask we wore. We were both smiling and giggling, but there was something slightly off about me. I had my arms around her neck, a smile plastered on my face, but somehow I didn't seem happy.

Alice stepped up behind me. "You noticed it too, huh?"

I set the picture down and turned to face her. "I don't know what you mean."

She rolled her eyes and held a gold key necklace out to me. "Help?"

I sighed and grabbed it from her hands. She pulled her hair to the side and I gently pulled the necklace around her neck and fastened it. She fixed her hair and gave me a sad smile, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Sometimes, Isabella, I worry about you," she murmured.

I hugged her back tightly and then took a step back. "Don't."

She frowned at me, but grabbed her big white purse, turned out the light and exited, leaving me in the dark. I blew out a breath and followed her downstairs.

I heard her voice and thought she was talking to herself, until I saw Optimus Prime, Optimus for short, in her arms. Honestly, I wasn't sure what she was thinking when she named him. Maybe that's why he acted so unlike he should; he was only trying to live up to the name.

"Mommy will be home later," she told him as if he were talking to a baby.

He looked at me over her shoulder almost as if to say, "What the hell is wrong with her?"

I shrugged, telling him, "I was thinking the same thing."

She kissed him on the head and then set him down. She locked the door behind us and then we both climbed into my car. Alice could drive, but she never had money for gas. She always spent all of it on clothes, and it wasn't ever really a problem. She never went anywhere that I wasn't going to be. Many other people thought that was really weird. And maybe it was. We were just really, really, tight best friends.

She fidgeted with the radio on the way to school, only allowing thirty seconds of a song to play until she changed it again. It was really starting to grate on my nerves. When she changed it to some rap crap about making your bed rock, I snapped.

"Oh, that's it!" I yelled.

I reached up to the CD case on the sun visor and randomly picked one and shoved it in. Lucky for me it was Story of the Year, so I turned it up loud. Alice hated them. I laughed maniacally internally.

"How can you listen to this shit?" she whined, reaching for the volume control.

I smacked her hand away. "You had your chance. This is my car; we listen to what I want."

"My car, we listen to what I want," she mocked childishly.

I smirked as we pulled into the parking lot. I quickly scanned the clutter of parked cars for my boyfriend, Sage's, black 1971 Charger. To say that he and his father were car fanatics was putting it lightly. I pulled into a spot a few spaces down from him and turned the car off.

Sage sauntered over, his pants hanging nearly off his ass, and opened my door for me. I smiled sweetly at him and 'accidentally' dropped my keys.

"Oops," I smiled.

He returned the smile and bent down to pick them up for me. With his ass in the air, I took that as an invitation and smacked it. He yelped and jumped forward, into the silver Audi A4 parked next to me. I burst into a fit of laughter, having to hold my sides.

He straightened up and stalked towards me with a devilish smile. "You think that's funny?"

I nodded, biting my lip to stop the giggling. He grabbed me by the hips and pushed me farther up against my car. I felt his hands creep up to my sides and then his fingers started attacking me. I doubled over in laughter again, gasping out his name, pleading with him to stop.

"Okay, okay, truce," he whispered.

I fisted my hand in his black hair in front of his eyes and pushed it up, resting my forehead against his. He leaned in and kissed me softly. I slipped my hands down his chest, to the waistband of his pants. He smiled into the kiss and cupped my face. I slowly pulled his pants up, unbuckled his belt, and tightened it.

He broke the kiss, shaking his head. I smiled and winked at him.

"Can we please move along now, lovebirds?" Alice questioned behind me.

The sound of her voice made me whip my head around; I had forgotten she was there, which was odd, considering it was Alice.

"Nice to see you as always, Alice," Sage said politely.

"Likewise," Alice said sourly, pushing her sunglasses down.

I frowned. Alice wasn't Sage's biggest fan, but she wasn't normally rude to him. In fact, sometimes I thought that maybe they were forming a friendship. One for Bella on the dubious count. I sighed and linked my fingers with his.

I quickly reached inside my car and grabbed my blue and purple Coach purse that Alice's mom had gotten me on one of her many fashion escapades. Alice's mom was basically my mom, as my mother was incompetent, and 'unfit' as the judges say.

I slammed the door shut and hit the lock button on the remote. Sage wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked into the school. Once inside the building, we quickly spotted the paper that told us what homeroom we had.

Sage and Alice went one way, as Connors and Brandon were in the same room. I was left to wander the opposite way, across the school to where Swan should be.

For the next twenty minutes, I sat in a classroom the size of a closet, listening to the rules of the school that I'd been going to for two years. Our schedules were passed out to us and we were told to go find our lockers if we hadn't already picked one out.

I wandered down the hallway aimlessly. There was still a good amount of time until we had to be in class. I wound up near my first class anyway. I slouched against the wall and let my mind wander.

I thought about my baby sister, Cailee, who was starting first grade today. I hoped that she got to school okay; I wasn't able to take her because I started school before she did. Charlie couldn't take her either, because he was at work when I left. I couldn't help the way my lips pursed at his disinterest in his youngest daughter's life.

She was so excited this morning. She got up an hour before I was supposed to, and woke me up. I made her favorite chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, and helped her get dressed and ready; she looked adorable in her skirt, leggings, and pink shirt. Of course she had to have her Converse like me, and a sparkly headband. Then she helped me get ready, picking a dark blue sweater, skinny jeans, and Converse. She helped me put on the ring that Sage got me and the locket my mother gave to me.

So the both of us were ready much sooner than we needed to be, and when it came time for me to leave, I had to drop Cailee at her friend, Megan's, house. I felt horrible for not being able to be there for her, but at least I got to pick her up.

An angry Alice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Isabella Marie Swan!"

I looked at her. "Huh?"

"We're going to be late for class!" she screeched, grabbing my hand, and dragging me into the back of the classroom.

We took our seats, and Alice settled down as the teacher, Mr. Abshire, began his introductions to College Algebra Trig., and to himself.

"So, I was thinking this weekend, that we could go shopping. Me, you, and my mom," Alice whispered.

"I have to watch Cailee this weekend," I said, a reflex reaction.

She rolled her eyes. "She can come too, you know. My mom loves her."

"Alice, every time we go shopping, your mom winds up buying both her and I a ton of stuff. I'm not a charity case," I grumbled.

"Bella, please. We don't do it for charity, we do it for you."

"What's the difference?" I muttered angrily.

"Ms. Swan, Ms. Brandon, is there something you'd like to share with us?" Mr. Abshire asked.

I blushed and looked down. Alice and I said, "Sorry Mr. Abshire."

He cleared his throat. "As I was saying…"

"I just don't like when people give me things," I clarified.

"Well, it's part of life, so deal with it," she snapped.

There wasn't much of a point to arguing with Alice, so I leaned back in my seat and pretended to pay attention.

The same routine happened for study hall and English, and then it was time for lunch. Thankfully, I had lunch with everyone - Sage, Alice, Jacob, and his girlfriend Leah. We automatically sat at the same table that we'd sat at last year.

Jacob and Sage walked in holding hands, swinging them back and forth between each other, mock flirting.

"Hey, get your own," I told Jacob.

Sage took the seat next to me and kissed me. Jacob crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to pout, until Leah whispered something in his ear and he perked up. I had to hand it to the kid, he was quite the actor. Even though he was gay, he still put on a show for Leah because he loved her. He didn't exactly know how to tell her that he was gay, and he only really came to that conclusion over the summer.

Sage put an arm around the back of my chair and I leaned into his side.

"What are you doing tonight?" he whispered in my ear.

"Well, I'm going to pick Cailee up from school and then just do something fun with her, I guess."

He gave me a shit-eating grin and leaned in closer. "Would it be alright if I came over?"

A blush colored my cheeks and I bit my lip. "I think that would be alright."

He smirked and kissed me.

"Can you two stop sucking face for two minutes so I can eat my lunch?" Alice whined.

"Sorry Alice," I said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

Lunch was the same as usual. Everyone looked the other way as Leah and Jacob ate each other's faces. Alice sighed about not having a boyfriend.

"Oh, fuck me," Alice breathed, fanning herself.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Look!" she squealed, pointing a finger in the direction of a lesbian couple.

"Gay people?" I question.

She sighed impatiently. "No! The God behind them!"

The couple moved out of the way to reveal four students, three boys, one girl, all new by the way everyone was staring at them. All of the boys were around the same height, around six foot or taller. One had hair the color of copper, and he was lanky with wiry muscles. Another boy was blond haired like the girl also lanky and noticeably less muscled than the others. The last was a giant, his arms twice the size of my thigh. He had curly brown hair and a huge smile. The girl was fucking gorgeous. Tall and thin, flowing long blond hair, and a face that had guys panting at her feet.

"New students," I commented.

Alice got up and danced her way over to them, in full flirt mode.

"Oh, Christ," Sage muttered.

Alice led them all back to our table and held one finger up to them as she marched determinedly to the table of freshman next to us.

"Freshman, move," she barked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sage snickered and buried his face in my hair.

"W-What?" the freshman boy asked in small voice.

"Um, Alice, it's alright. I'm sure we can find somewhere else to sit," the blond boy said, a slight southern accent.

Alice gave him a beatific smile. "Nonsense Jasper."

"Did I stutter? You and your little friends, move."

"Where are we supposed to go?" he asked timidly.

"Does it look like I care?" she asked, bored.

The freshman picked up their food and scurried away from the table. The rest of us erupted in howls of laughter. Alice smacked Jacob upside the head and made him switch seats with her. He did so, grumbling about it. Jasper took the first seat at the next table.

The boy with copper sat down next to Sage, the giant next to him, and the blonde girl last.

Alice smiled at all of us. "So, this is Bella, Sage, Jacob, and Leah."

She pointed to the copper haired boy, "Edward," the giant, "Emmett," the girl, "Rosalie," and the blond boy, "Jasper."

"Wow, Alice, you managed that in ten seconds? That must be a new record," Jacob teased and Sage snickered.

Alice stuck her tongue out at them, which caused Jasper to smile. Alice didn't miss that.

* * *

Lunch was…interesting. Emmett cracked jokes constantly, most of them sexual, or at someone else's expense. Rosalie kept smacking his chest playfully to keep him in line. Edward didn't talk much, except quietly to Emmett. As for Jasper and Alice, well, they didn't look away from each other the entire period.

The bell rang and Sage walked me upstairs to U.S. History. He leaned me against the lockers and kissed me deeply.

With a wink he whispered, "There'll be more later."

I shivered in pleasure and walked numbly into the classroom. I didn't know anyone in the class, so I sat quietly and listened to the teacher lecture. He had a very quiet, soothing voice and I found myself having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

Physics was interesting. Science wasn't exactly my favorite subject, but I didn't hate it either. It would definitely be different from biology and chemistry.

Alice met me outside of the classroom and we walked together to choir, the last class of the day. The teacher gave us the usual speech lamely, and then let us sit and talks for the rest of the class.

We noticed Edward sitting alone on the risers and we went over and joined him. Or at least, I did. Alice got lost half way there and wound up across the room with one of her cheerleader friends.

I sat next to him and he gave me a small smile. "Edward, right?"

He nodded. "Bella?"

I nodded in return and bumped his knee with mine. "So, what brings you here?"

"Uh, well, my dad's a doctor and got a job offer from the Cleveland Clinic, one that he couldn't refuse, so we had to move," he explained, a tightness in his eyes.

"What about the rest of them? Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper?"

"Well, Emmett's my brother so he had to come. And legally, so are Rosalie and Jasper."

"What do you mean by that?" I questioned.

"We adopted them," he answered.

I nodded to myself. "What about your mom?"

He frowned. "She died, three years ago."

I put my hand on his knee. "Edward, I'm sorry."

He smiled. "Thanks. So, what's your story?"

I sighed dramatically. "Well, I've lived here all my life. My dad's the chief of police and, well, enough said."

He chuckled. "Siblings?"

I smiled brightly. "One, Cailee. She's five."

"And what about your mom?" he wondered.

I frowned. "My dad kicked her out when I was twelve, right after Cailee was born. They divorced and the court decided that she was 'unfit'," I explained with air quotes, "so we stayed with my dad."

His eyes met mine. "I'm sorry."

I smiled and we dissolved into shallow, silly banter. I caught Alice's eye across the room and she gave me a suggestive wink. I gave her a 'what the fuck?' look and flipped her the bird.

Edward laughed and commented on how close we were. When the bell rang, he offered to walk me to where ever I was going, but I saw Sage standing in the doorway and politely turned him down.

Sage took my hand and we made our way outside. Alice was standing by the driver side of my car, Jasper leaning against the silver Audi next to it. She was twirling her hair playfully and batting her eyelashes. I wondered if I looked like that with Sage, and wanted to apologize to anyone that had ever seen it.

I unlocked my car which caused her to jump away from it and scowl at me. Jasper and Alice exchanged phones and then Alice got in my car.

Sage pushed me against the car so I had to sit on the hood. He captured my face in his hands and I twined my fingers into his rich black hair.

"I'll see you tonight," he whispered huskily, his icy blue eyes nearly black.

I bit my lip and kissed him intensely. He gave me one last kiss and then walked to his car. I got into my car and noticed that Edward was climbing into the Audi next to me. He nodded to me and I smiled before pulling out of my spot and speeding away from the school.

I dropped Alice off at her house and then went to mine. I had a half an hour before I had to pick up Cailee. I walked in and found my pug and cat playing in the living room. At least, it looked like playing. My cat, Mason, was swatting poor Addy's nose and then running off before she could catch him.

I checked for messages and then grabbed an apple and started to munch as I did the usual after school routine. When it was time to leave, I locked the house up again and drove to the elementary school.

I was a little early so I got a pretty good parking space. I pulled my sunglasses out of the glove compartment and walked to the front of the building to wait for her.

As I waited, I thought about what Sage was planning for tonight. We hadn't been physically close in a while, and I knew it was starting to get to him, because it was getting to me. Hell, we were sexually frustrated. I think everyone was beginning to notice.

"Belly!" I heard Cailee yell as she plowed into my legs.

I chuckled. "Hey bug. How was school?"

She slipped her hand into mine as we walked to my car. "It was okay. Mr. Tucker made us draw a picture of our families."

"Did you?" I asked, worried. Cailee wasn't a bad kid, she just…didn't do something if she didn't want to. Most of the time.

She nodded sadly. I stopped next to my car and kneeled next to her. I pulled her chin up to look me in the eye.

"What's wrong, bug?" I asked and brushed the hair out of her face.

"Mr. Tucker asked why I had no mommy," she whispered.

"What did you tell him?"

"That mommy had to leave," she murmured, her voice full of tears.

I pulled her into a hug. "You know that mommy loves you Cail. And daddy, and me, right?"

She nodded and wiped her eyes. I kissed her forehead, helped her in the car, and buckled her.

She sang me a song that she learned in school. Something to do with school is your friend or some shit like that. All I know is that she made up a lot of extra words. She opened the window and started to sing loudly to everyone outside, causing many to look. But she didn't care, she only giggled and sang louder.

As soon as we got home she ran into the house and right to Addy.

"Addy, you lost your bow!" I heard her say, exasperated as I walked into the kitchen.

"Mason, you bad kitty, that is not a toy!"

I chuckled and pulled out Cailee's favorite, chicken nuggets, and turned the oven on.

Cailee squealed and ran through the kitchen like a tornado, Addy hot on her heels, and out the back door.

* * *

I sat at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the wall, thinking about Sage, but also listening sharply for any noise that Cailee might make. The timer on the oven beeped and I hurried to pull the food out when I heard a car in the driveway. It was too early for Charlie to be home, so I assumed it was Sage.

I was transferring the nuggets from the cookie sheet to a plate when I heard Cailee start to cry.

"Shit," I muttered and ran outside.

I stopped when I saw Cailee in Sage's arms, clinging to him as if her life depended on it. He shushed her and rubbed her back soothingly.

"Belly," she cried, holding her arms open for me.

I took her expertly into my arms and gave Sage a kiss before we made our way back into the house.

I sat her down on the counter and brushed the tears out of her eyes. "What hurts, bug?"

"My foot," she sniffled.

I looked down and noticed that she was barefoot, and that the bottom of her right one was red. I took a deep breath and nodded for Sage to come stand in front of her. He took my place and I walked into the bathroom to get a washcloth and band-aid.

I gently cleaned the bottom of her foot and put the band-aid over a tiny cut on her heel. While I was doing that Sage made her a plate of food and put juice in a sippy cup for her. I picked her up off the counter and set her down at the table. I kissed the top of her head and then went back to clean up the kitchen.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist and I smiled. His lips went to my neck and he began to gently bite and suck.

"Sage, not now," I giggled.

He chuckled. "So that means it is happening?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" I wondered.

He smirked devilishly and leaned in. "I want you," he whispered and nipped my earlobe.

* * *

"Hurry up," I giggled, dragging him upstairs.

"No, I'm enjoying the view," he leered.

I heard the side door slam shut and then Charlie as he walked through the kitchen. Cailee squealed and no doubt threw herself at him. I pulled Sage into my room and locked the door behind us. We went for each other hungrily, needing the other more than we had thought. He latched onto me and stumbled backwards onto my bed.

"One second," I whispered and pushed off him.

I turned the radio on, not so much for us, but for my father who would no doubt be listening. Or trying to.

"_Slow down, Lie down,  
Remember it's just you and me.  
Don't sell out, bow out,  
Remember how this used to be…."  
_

I smiled as Paolo Nutini's _Last Request _filled my room. I walked slowly back to Sage and slowly climbed on top of him.

"_I just want you closer,  
Is that alright?  
Baby let's get closer tonight."  
_

It was slow and sweet at first, but neither one of us could wait much longer. Our clothes were discarded and I could feel him ready and waiting above me.

"_Grant my last request,  
And just let me hold you.  
Don't shrug your shoulders,  
Lay down beside me.  
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere,  
But one last time let's go there,  
Lay down beside me."_

I slowly pushed him up, until I was on top. He smiled at the change in position and reached into the top drawer of my bedside table for a condom. After a minute of searching he looked at me.

He chuckled. "Uh, babe, there's no condoms in here."

"What? Yes there are," I leaned over and began looking.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered when my hands came out empty.

"It's okay, I got this."

Sage kissed me as he reached into his wallet on the floor and pulled out the foil packet. I helped him put it on, never breaking the kiss. He smiled as I lowered myself gently onto him, groaning as a wave of pleasure rippled between us.

I set a slow, but gradually increasing pace. Sage grabbed my hips and guided me to the right places. He switched so he was now on top and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper. His lips crashed down on mine, and I tugged on his hair as I got closer to my peak.

"Bella?" Cailee's tiny voice came from my door.

"Fuck," I moaned.

There was no way we could stop now.

"What?" I called back.

"Daddy says to stop playing leap frog because you forgot your balloons," she said with a giggle and then traipsed off.

I put a leg over his shoulder, allowing him to hit a new angle and cried out in pleasure.

Sage's lips crashed down on mine as his heat flooded me.

"I love you," he whispered, collapsing on the bed next to me.

"I love you," I said, entranced by his crystal blue eyes. I kissed him sweetly and then slowly got out of bed and put on a pair of jeans and Sage's t-shirt.

He chuckled. "What am I supposed to wear?"

I smiled and leaned down to give him another kiss. "I'm sure you'll find something."

I made to leave but he reached out and pulled me back to him. "Tell me how pissed off you are right now."

I smiled sweetly. "Pretty fucking pissed."

He stood up, pulled his shirt off me, and put it on himself. I picked up my discarded blue sweater and lazily put it on. I ran my fingers through my hair a few times before we descended the stairs.

"Wait for me outside," I told him," take Cailee."

He sighed and kissed me again. "Cailee, let's go for a walk."

"Coming Sagey!" she sang and skipped to him.

I waited until they were outside before walking into the kitchen.

"Bella, so glad you decided to grace me with your presence," Charlie began.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"I see you no longer care about protection?" he questioned sliding the condoms across the table at me.

I said nothing.

"Why the fuck were those in your room? You're too God-damned young to be having sex," he finally snapped.

I smirked and shook my head, refusing to say anything.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you," he seethed.

I narrowed my eyes. "Why the hell were you in my room?"

"It's my house, I'll do as I please!" he roared.

I went back to silence. He stood up and put the condoms roughly in my hand.

"If you're going to fuck the boys, at least do it safely."

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black," I scoffed and turned on my heels.

Sage and Cailee were playing tag when I went outside. Without a word, we all got in his car and drove. We wound up at the park, and as Cailee played, I silently broke down in Sage's arms.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Sage asked again, wiping a stray tear.

"Of course I do, but you know you can't."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised and enveloped me in a hug.

I kissed him sweetly and watched him drive away before I went inside and quietly to my room. I found a hoodie that Sage had left at my house and held it to my face as I lay in my empty bed. My eyes closed but I had no hope sleep.

I heard a quiet cry and I shot out of bed. I heard it again, but louder and ran to Cailee's room. She was laying on her side, her blankets tucked underneath her, tiny tears running down her face. I walked to the bed and scooped her up gently into my arms, holding her close to me. She drew closer to me.

"I want mommy," she sobbed brokenly.

My heart broke. I kissed her hair and sang quietly.

"_I never made promises lightly  
And there have been some that I've broken  
But I swear in the days still left  
We will walk in fields of gold  
We'll walk in fields of gold."_

She fell asleep still in my arms and I placed her in bed and pulled her blankets around her again. I kissed her forehead and silently left her room, back to my own. I cursed my mother for being the person that she was. I hated my dad for making her leave. And I hated them both for being selfish enough to bring another child into their fucked up life.

I crawled into my bed and dialed Sage's number. Within minutes, I was back in his arms, loved and loving.

I fell asleep in his arms, where everything was perfect.

* * *

_A/N: Well…what'd ya think? Please review and let me know. Chapter two up soon, promise (:  
XOXO  
Love  
Kelly_

_P.S. Checkyesjulia will be co-writing with me. _


	2. Take Me Home Tonight

**I **f **Y **o u **C **o u l d **S **e e **I **n t o **M **y **S **o u l

**C**hapter **2** - **T**ake **M**e **H**ome **T**onight

**B **e l l a ' s **P O V **

I could hear little feet running back and forth down the hallway. The green numbers on my clock read 9:30 a.m. I groaned and rubbed my eyes.

The footsteps stopped outside and then I saw Cailee's tiny fingers poke underneath my door.

"Bella," Cailee sang in her idea of a whisper. I smiled to myself and stood up and stretched.

"Are you awake?" she asked me, her fingers dancing under the door.

"Yeah, bug. You can come in," I said as I let my hair down from the bun on my head. She threw the door open and ran and jumped on top of my bed. She hid herself under the blankets, giggling, as if she wasn't obvious.

"Where, oh where, did Cailee go?" I asked in a voice of mock shock. She giggled again and squirmed under the blankets.

I slowly pulled the blanket down, listening to her giggles, and gasped when I found her. And then I started tickling her, my hands on her sides, feet, under the chin; all the places that I knew would make her laugh.

"Stop, stop," she squealed, kicking her legs. I relented and she sat up, breathing heavily.

"That wasn't very nice," she pouted, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Sorry, bug," I said and kissed her forehead.

"Daddy, arrest her!" she said suddenly, pointing at me.

I looked up to see my dad glaring at me from my doorway. _Wow, _I thought, _if looks could kill…._

Without a word, he left my doorway and silently went back to his own room. I bet he was really feeling last night now. He came home completely drunk, stumbling and breaking a few picture frames. The girl that he came home with looked like she was my age. She giggled as they went into his room, but left ten minutes later, her laughter replaced with a scowl. I crept to his door and saw that he had passed out face down on his bed. I quietly closed his door and went back to my room.

It wasn't the first time it had happened, and to say the least, my father had a very healthy sex life. Not quite the way I imagined the Police Chief to act. But I didn't understand his hypocrisy when it came to Sage and I.

My mom and he were married at 19 and had me only a few month later. Sage and I were always safe, and we did it so show the other how much we loved them.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "What do you want to make for breakfast, Cail?" I wondered to distract myself.

She put a finger to her chin, thinking. "Pancakes!"

"Pancakes again? Why not French toast?" I tried to persuade.

She nodded excitedly and bounced out of my room, singing.

I quickly made my bed and threw on Sage's hoodie, breathing in the scent of him. Just as I was leaving my room, my cell phone began ringing. The caller ID said it was Alice.

I slid the phone open and put it to my ear. "Hi."

"Good morning! Are you prepared for today's shopping extravaganza?" Alice squealed.

_Not even a little bit. _"Uh, sure," I said lamely as I trudged down the stairs.

"You had better be," she huffed.

I started poking around in the fridge, pulling out all the necessary ingredients . "I am, Alice, promise."

"Good," she trilled, "I will see you and Cailee promptly at 11:30."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course, Alice, see you soon."

We said goodbye and hung up. Cailee watched me from the kitchen table as I knowingly made breakfast.

I smiled at her. "Do you want to help?"

Her eyes lit up and she bounced to my side. I lifted her up on the counter and handed her the loaf of bread.

* * *

Cailee managed to not make too much of a mess with breakfast. I hurriedly cleaned the table of the sticky syrup and washed and put away the dishes. I put the leftover food in the fridge and bounded upstairs.

"Belly?" Cailee asked as I passed her room.

I backtracked and stuck my head in. She had on a plaid purple dress that went down to her knees. She tried to reach behind her to zip it, but gave up with a frustrated sigh. I zipped it the rest of the way for her and then brushed and put her hair up in two French braids.

"Go brush your teeth," I instructed and she skipped down the hallway.

I went to my room and closed the door behind me. I had twenty minutes to get ready, and that left me ten minutes to get to Alice's. I pulled on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, and a flowy yellow racer back shirt that Alice had gotten me for my birthday last year. I fastened the locket around my neck and picked up my ring. _My Bella, _was the inscription. Smiling, I slipped it on my ring finger of my right hand. I stepped into my Converse, grabbed my wallet, phone, and keys and brushed my own hair and teeth before I went downstairs.

"Cailee, let's go," I called as I grabbed her and I a sweater off the hooks by the side door.

She slid into a pair of sandals and I helped her into the sweater.

I left a note for my dad on the kitchen table:

_Breakfast is in the fridge. Cailee and I will be out with Alice and Mrs. Brandon. Be back later. Maybe. -Bella_

I slipped into my own sweater and slammed the door shut behind me.

* * *

I pulled into Alice's driveway just as the clock read 11:30 and smiled in triumph. Alice danced out of her house and down the steps towards my car.

"Hey cutie," she said to Cailee and gave her a hug.

Cailee took her hand as she walked over to me. She threw her arms around me, much stronger than I expected. I hugged her back quickly.

"Is that who I think it is?" Mrs. Brandon's voice came from the porch.

Cailee's face lit up and she ran into her waiting arms.

"This can't be Cailee. She was such a tiny little thing when I saw her last," Mrs. Brandon joked.

"It's me!" Cailee promised.

Mrs. Brandon situated her on her hip and then walked to me. She gave me a one-armed hug and kissed my cheek.

"I've missed you, dear," she said gently and squeezed my arm.

I smiled faintly, not meeting her eyes.

Mrs. Brandon was like the mother we never had and that was why I stayed away; I couldn't go through that loss again, or make Cailee go through it at all. If our real mother would up and leave on command, who's to say a stand-in mother wouldn't?

I immediately pushed the thought out of my mind, a chagrined blush crawling into my cheeks.

"Well, then, we're ready to go, yes?" she wondered, tickling Cailee's side.

Cailee squealed and squirmed, "Yes!"

Mrs. Brandon brought Cailee's forehead down and kissed it. Cailee threw her arms around her neck and pulled herself as close as she could. My heart squeezed uncomfortably in my chest.

* * *

A slushee, bag of Pixi Stix, and two packs of Silly Bands later, both Cailee and Alice were more than bouncing off the walls. Alice spoke so fast I wondered how her lips didn't go numb from the vibrations. Cailee nearly ran through the mall; Mrs. Brandon and I struggled to keep up with her.

Alice and I currently meandered through Aerie. I pretended to pay attention to what she was saying, but couldn't seem to have the patience, or truly care.

"…I just think that if you're going to be very active in that department, you should look beautiful for the few seconds before he tears it off, you know? And I don't mean to offend you, but I've seen some of your underwear, and, honey, you need some serious help. But really, I'm not trying to offend you, I'm just stating a fact. And-"

I cut her off with a restraining hand on her arm. "Please tell me we are not discussing my level of sexual activity or what I choose to…wear as it happens."

She only stared back at me with big hazel doe eyes. My face flamed.

"Alice how is that any of your business?" I hissed.

She huffed and put her hands on her hips. "I told you I wasn't trying to offend you, just help you."

Before I could say anything more, she dropped her arms and squealed. "Rose?"

I turned to find Rosalie, attached to Emmett like a second skin, entering the store.

"Alice? Bella?" she smiled, "What are you doing here?"

Alice sent me a pointed glare. "Well, I'm just trying to help-"

"Alice!" I snapped, shooting daggers at her. She pouted but danced over to Rose to give her a hug.

Emmett winked, looking far too comfortable in the store. "Don't worry Bella, I won't tell anyone."

I rolled my eyes. Emmett would tell everyone. Regardless, I ventured over to them to give then both a hug. The friendship that had sprung up between us was growing strong, but no rival to Alice and I.

"So, Alice," Rose began, with a devious smile in my direction, "do you need any help, helping?"

Alice squealed and grabbed Rosalie's hand, dragging her to a nearby rack of…scraps of material. Emmett snickered and grabbed a particularly risqué red piece next to him. "What about this one guys?"

I scowled, my face flaming yet again. I opened my mouth for a facetious comment, but stopped when I heard a sound that would stop me dead in my tracks anywhere. Alice's head whipped up to meet my frazzled expression before I sprinted out of the store, towards the sound of Cailee's agonized cry.

The first things I noticed when I found her were, one: she wasn't standing, two: Mrs. Brandon wasn't there, but she wasn't alone, and third: the blood that ran down from her mouth.

I slowed my sprint to a staggered walk and started to softly say her name. Her eyes met mine and I gasped. It looked as though she had bitten through her lip. I hardly noticed the copper head of hair next to me, or the static charge that had begun. I didn't notice Mrs. Brandon, Alice, Emmett, Jasper, or Rosalie. All I noticed was how obvious it was in that moment that we didn't share the same father.

Regardless, I got down on my knees and took her face in hands, twisting it this way and that to better examine the wound.

"Cailee, bug, tell me what happened," I murmured.

Her bottom lip quivered and she reached up to put her finger in her mouth like she usually did, but stopped when it touched her lip. She brought her hand in front of her, examining it, before bursting into another round of tears.

"She fell," an anxious velvet voice said beside me.

I turned my head and saw Edward, scrutinizing Cailee as if he were a doctor. He turned his head and our eyes met. My heart stopped, and started again double time. I gasped for air while my head swam under his gaze. I forgot everything: the people watching us, Cailee, who I was, my name. And then, all too soon, he looked away. I blew out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding and turned my attention back to Cailee, my face growing hot.

I managed to stutter out a question pertaining to her injury that I forgot immediately.

"I don't think she'll need stitches, but she'll need to go to the hospital to be sure," he murmured.

I nodded my head and stood up stiffly. I grabbed Cailee up in my arms and walked as quickly as I could with her in my arms.

I tried not to pay attention to the words that were being said behind me, and failed.

"Is that her daughter?" Emmett asked, no attempt at keeping his voice down. There was a muted smack and an 'ow.'

"That's her sister," Alice hissed, and the same time I strained to hear Mrs. Brandon say, "She might as well be."

I found my car easily enough, glad that we had decided to drive separately. I sat Cailee in the backseat and pressed the napkin tighter to her lip. And for the first time, I worried. Because I didn't want to leave her back there alone, but I had to drive. I gnawed on my lip and pushed my hand through my hair desperately.

Someone put a hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump and whirl, both from the unexpected touch and the spark; I came face to face with Edward.

He smirked, though his green eyes were still anxious. "You didn't think I'd let you go alone, did you?"

I didn't say anything but handed him the keys and climbed in the backseat with Cailee.

He drove much faster than I would have, weaving dangerously through traffic. Cailee's tears slowed, the only sound she made now was the occasional sniffle or whimper.

The hospital came into sight much too soon and, again, I worried. I didn't want to call Charlie, but someone needed to be here.

Edward pulled into a parking space that looked reserved for hospital personnel, but I didn't say anything. Though, the last thing I needed was a parking ticket.

I grabbed Cailee out of the car and followed quickly behind Edward as we made our way to the Emergency Room. We walked through the revolving door and halted our quick movements when we looked around. There wasn't an empty seat anywhere.

Edward cursed softly under his breath but took Cailee out of my arms and muttered, "Follow me."

A few nurses watched him walk by, but to my amazement, didn't object to him waltzing right on through. We walked down a hallway that had offices on each side. Edward stopped outside of one that was open long enough to peer inside and ensure it safe, but not long enough for me to read the name.

He shut the door behind me and the stunningly gorgeous doctor looked up with a confused face. He had blond hair and the same piercing green eyes as Edward. Then I glanced down at the name plate on his desk and swallowed the name: _Carlisle Cullen._ Edward's dad.

"Carlisle, I need your help," Edward spoke tersely.

Dr. Cullen stood up behind his desk and slowly came around to meet us, looking us over. I realized that both of our shirts were stained red from Cailee's blood. He looked to Cailee in Edward's arms and nodded.

"Follow me, Edward," he spoke softly, as if afraid speaking too loud would shatter us.

We followed him down the hallway to an empty exam room. Edward placed Cailee on the bench covered in crackly paper and stepped aside for me to take his place.

Cailee took in her surroundings hesitantly, and brokenly whispered, "Bella?"

I brushed fallen strands of hair out of her face. "Yes?"

Her eyes welled and her bottom lip quivered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

I was shaking my head before she had said more than two words. "Cailee, it was not your fault. You fell sweetheart, sometimes that happens. I'm not mad at you, only worried."

She nodded and fell silent again. The only sound in the room was that of running water, and I noticed Dr. Cullen washing his hands at a tiny sink. Edward sat in a chair in the far corner of the room, his head tiredly in his hands.

Dr. Cullen placed a hand on my shoulder, and I stepped to the side to make room for him. He smiled sweetly at Cailee as he prepared.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" he asked quietly.

Cailee wiped at her eyes and sniffled, "Cailee."

"Cailee, how old are you?" he wondered, never leaving her eyes, as he dabbed some liquid on a cotton ball.

She brought her finger to her lip, but Dr. Cullen brought it back down with his own hand and a slight shake of his head. "Um, five and a half."

His eyes widened in mock shock. "Really? You're awfully brave. When my son was your age, he cried every time we went to the doctor."

I bit my lip to hold back my laughter as Edward scowled at the back of Dr. Cullen's head. Cailee beamed at the compliment. Dr. Cullen brought the cotton ball full of liquid to Cailee's mouth and began to gently clean away the blood.

She flinched occasionally, and I could tell that she so badly wanted to put her finger in her mouth; her own form of comfort. Dr. Cullen talked amicably to her while he worked, being as gentle as was possible. Cailee responded when she could, her fear subsiding with Dr. Cullen's soft-spoken voice. I stood by her side, holding her hand, squeezing back when she needed it.

Finally, when her mouth was less macabre, he turned to me. "She's not going to need stitches, but I will need to cover the wound." He held up a tiny bottle as he explained, "This is more or less a liquid bandage. It will cover it and you won't have to worry about it falling off or having to change it."

He turned back to Cailee who watched him with rapt curiosity. I gnawed my bottom lip until it was raw, yanking my fingers through my hair harshly, trying to be strong for Cailee's benefit and knowing that I was failing miserably.

Dr. Cullen brought the brush to her lips, never breaking eye contact. Cailee flinched away when it touched her and whimpered. I bit harder on my lip and squeezed her hand back.

He did a few quick, gentle strokes, being careful to cover every millimeter of the cut. I watched as the liquid went from glistening to flat in a matter of seconds. Dr. Cullen gave me a satisfied smile and peeled the gloves off of his hands.

"Thank you so much Dr. Cullen," I said earnestly as I lifted Cailee back into my arms.

With a brilliant smile he said, "It was my pleasure…"

"Bella," I finished and put my hand out for him to take.

His hand enveloped mine carefully, as if I would shatter. He squeezed it gently and let it go again.

"I'm going to get a mild pain killer for Cailee to take and I'll be right back," he said softly to me, and turning to Edward added, "Would you like to take them back to my office?"

Edward nodded once and came to my side. Dr. Cullen exited silently and I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Cailee tugged at the strap of my shirt and I looked down at her.

"It hurts," she whispered softly and brought her finger to her lip.

I pushed her finger away and kissed her forehead. "I know, bug. Dr. Cullen is going to give you something to make it better, okay?"

She nodded and gently laid her head on my shoulder.

Edward held the door open for me and then lead us back to the pristine office that looked more like a Dean's office than a Doctor's. He shut the door behind us and gestured to a plush couch for me to take. I sat down, laying Cailee more comfortably so her head was resting in the crook of my neck. I hummed to her quietly so as not to disturb Edward, who was pacing the room.

"Thank you," I whispered after a few minutes of tense silence.

Edward stopped pacing and turned to face me, a small smile playing around his lips. "You're welcome."

I returned the smile nervously, suddenly finding myself thinking over the situation. How did I wind up here with Edward? Shouldn't it be Sage instead of Edward, who was now walking slowly over to me and sitting down? And why was my heart beating out of my chest? Why were my palms sweating? Why was a sudden blush coloring my cheeks for no reason? Where did the electricity come from? I bit my lip and raked my fingers through my hair yet again.

Edward surprised me by pulling my lip from my teeth with a gentle swipe of his thumb. "If you don't stop, you're going to wind up in that exam room again."

I licked my lip which suddenly felt as though it had caught fire. I noticed that we had been unconsciously leaning towards each other, and we straightened up as the door opened. Edward stood again, and I did so awkwardly with Cailee nearly asleep in my arms.

Dr. Cullen took note of Cailee and spoke quietly as he handed me a bottle of pills. "It's a slightly more potent Tylenol. It will ease her pain and she'll most likely sleep. And, Bella, for the record, could you tell me how, exactly, this happened?"

I was quiet for a moment in shock that he thought I had something to do with this. I looked to Edward with an 'are you fucking serious right now?' expression. He didn't notice me for he was glaring at his father.

"She fell," we said at the same time.

Dr. Cullen arched a brow.

I sighed in annoyance, hefting Cailee higher in my arms. "Dr. Cullen, she's a little girl. She was running through the mall and she fell. I'm sorry, but that's all that happened."

He smiled tightly. "I'm sorry Bella; standard procedure, I assure you."

I nodded once and returned the smile. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I really appreciate all you've done."

"My pleasure," he said politely with a sincere smile as he led us out the door.

Once the door clicked shut, Edward relaxed. He chuckled at me struggling to hold Cailee and took her out of my arms. I shook them a little, trying to make them feel less heavy. I kept shooting glances at him as we walked, trying to figure out if he felt it too. _No, he couldn't._ I sighed. It wouldn't matter if he did. I have Sage. I love Sage. _Who are you trying to convince?_ I grimaced at the thought. It felt like Sage and I were drifting apart, but it was a terrifying prospect; he was, more or less, my life.

We reached my car and I unlocked it as Edward buckled Cailee in the backseat. I went around to the driver side and noticed a pink slip of paper under the windshield wiper. I ripped it out angrily and stared in horror at the amount scribbled down: _$500_.

The paper was taken out of my hand and I turned around to find Edward smiling down at me. "Would you like me to drive?"

I held out the keys and my hand. "Can I have the ticket?"

"That ticket was not your fault, you will not be paying for it," he said determinedly, snatching the keys out of my hand.

I scoffed and folded my arms across my chest. "Edward, please," I said, ignoring the fluttering in my stomach, the thrill of saying his name, "It's my car, I'll take care of it."

"You'll do no such thing," he smiled as he climbed in the car.

I huffed as he started the car and stomped to the passenger side. He chuckled at my angry expression and rolled the windows down as he backed up. I stared out my window, ignoring him as much as was possible with the damn electricity flowing.

He sighed. "Bella, come on. I have that much in my wallet right now, it's honestly no big deal."

I stared at him with wide eyes. He backtracked. "Okay, so maybe not that much. But I have the money."

"Edward Cullen is rich," I murmured, mostly to myself, but he heard anyway.

"Not just rich," he smirked, trying to lighten the mood, "loaded."

"Really," I said disinterestedly.

He chuckled and glanced in the rearview mirror. "Well, it's my father's, and if you want to get technical, my mother's. Her parents were fantastic business owners. When they passed, everything went to her, and when she passed, it all went to him."

I nodded and continued to stare out the window, my mind lost in thought.

"I'm really not helping, am I?" he wondered.

I gave him a tight smile. "Sorry, I have a lot on my mind."

"Anything you want to talk about?" he asked quietly, sincerely.

I smiled genuinely this time. "Thank you, that's very sweet. But it's just stupid girl stuff. I'll talk to Alice later."

He chuckled. "Well, alright."

I turned the radio on after that to distract myself, and found that Edward and I had quite similar taste in music. We discussed and debated the rest of the ride over our favorites.

We pulled up to a great white house. Edward put the car in park and stepped out, opening my door for me. The house was three levels, tucked back in the trees. The space was immaculate.

"I guess you weren't kidding about being loaded," I murmured.

He shrugged. "It's not much. My mom designed it and a friend built it."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked forward on the balls of his feet. "Well, I guess I'll see you Monday."

He turned for his house and without thinking, I reached out and grabbed his wrist. He stopped and turned, staring at my hand before meeting my eyes.

"Thank you, really, for everything. I don't think anyone else would have done what you did," I said sincerely.

He twisted our hands so he was now holding mine. He brought it to his lips for a soft kiss. "My pleasure."

He winked before turning again. I shook my head. "A gentleman too."

I watched him disappear into his house before leaving. On the ride home I found myself listening to songs he had declared his favorites, and noticed that they were all the songs Sage hated. _Sage who? Who are you kidding, Isabella, you're head over heels for him._

I smacked my hand against the steering wheel. "I love Sage."

I turned down my street and saw the car. I should have kept driving, but something in me, maybe the masochist, pulled up by the curb and got out, leaving the car running.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded, slamming my door shut.

"Nice to see you too, Isabella. What a way to greet your dear old mom," Renee laughed with a puff of her cigarette.

"You're no mother of mine," I hissed.

"Bella?"

I turned back to my car to see Cailee climbing out, rubbing her eye with a fist.

"Cailee, get back in the car," I said through my teeth.

She froze, her eyes locked with Renee.

"Cailee! Baby! Come to mommy," Renee sang, squatting down and opening her arms.

Cailee put her finger to her lip, staring back at her blankly.

"Well, come on you little shit, I don't have all day," Renee spat taking another drag of her cigarette and getting back to her feet.

"Don't talk to her like that," I seethed.

She laughed. "And who's going to stop me? It sure as fuck won't be you."

"Cailee, go get daddy."

"Ooh, I'm so scared. You're going to tell the big bad Sheriff on little old me. Please," she scoffed, throwing down the cigarette butt, "Charlie won't do shit."

"Renee, come on, let's just go," Phil said from the driver's side of the car.

"Shut the fuck up and mind your own damn business. We'll go when I'm finished here," she barked. Phil shook his head and looked away.

"Renee," Charlie said from the front porch.

Cailee ran out from behind his legs and straight to me. I took her hand and led her back to the car. I strapped her in just as the shouting match started. Phil got out of the car and tried to push Renee back in, throwing glances at Cailee, who looked so much like him. I jumped in my car and sped off before I could hear another word.

I was at Alice's house in a matter of minutes. I hastily through the car in park and exited. I could feel it all building. With one word, one look, I would lose it. I nearly ran up the walkway and banged on the front door. Cailee looked up at me with huge eyes, my own beginning to tear.

Alice opened the door and immediately drew me into a hug. I pushed her off and took a step back.

"Watch Cailee," I pleaded, fumbling backwards.

She nodded. "Bella…."

I shook my head furiously and ran back to my car. And then I drove. I drove until the yellow lines all blurred together and then entirely disappeared beneath the car. I drove until I was numb. I drove the memory, the uncertainty, Phil's face out of my mind. I drove the feelings I had with Edward out and ones with Sage in. I made a wide left turn and found myself on a dirt road leading to a pond.

I barely put the car in park before I turned it off and scrambled out of the car, needing nothing around me. It didn't take long. A sob ripped through me so violently I thought I was going to be sick. I fell to my knees, my head in my hands as the day flashed back to me. Every casual touch with Edward felt the same as every intimate touch with Sage. My fucking mother showing up and ruining everything.

I was vaguely aware of a car pulling up behind me but I didn't have the strength or will to stop; I was already in too deep. I cried harder the second I felt the electricity.

"You f-followed me," I said shakily to the dirt beneath me.

I felt rather than saw him sit down next to me. "I was dropping off Jasper at Alice's the same time you were leaving."

A sob ripped through me then, not letting me answer. I couldn't find it in me to be upset with him for following me, anyway. I bowed until the dirt met my forehead. It felt as though someone had taken my brain and ripped apart everything I had known, and then decided that wasn't enough and cut a hole in my heart. My entire body ached with each sob and I couldn't even try to care that Edward was watching one of my 'episodes'.

He put a hand on my back and that was all that it took for me to snap out of it. He rubbed it gently and eventually I found that it mended the hole in my heart. It pieced together the pieces of my brain that were destroyed. I didn't know what Edward was to me.

But I knew then that he meant more to me than Sage. Just a simple touch and I was his. Deciding I couldn't possibly be anymore pathetic, I crawled into his lap and tried to ease my breathing.

And then I told him everything. The entire story, not leaving out one single detail. Every secret about my mother, and Cailee. The way I was so attached to Sage. How I pushed everyone I loved away. He simply held me and listened, which was exactly what I needed right then.

And when I calmed down enough to breath again, I realized that I may have loved Sage, but that was the past.

The present and future was that I love Edward.

* * *

_**A/N:** Yay! Umm, I don't have much to say. I'm late, it's tired. I guess that's pretty much it…. Some pretty scary realizations going on. Reviews boost the ego, make writer happy, writer writes faster. Just sayin'. Tell me what you thought. Did it suck?_  
_Review_  
_XO Kelly_


	3. You Cry A Tear To Start A River

**I **f **Y **o u **C **o u l d **S **e e **I **n t o **M **y **S **o u l

**C**hapter **3 **- **Y**ou **C**ry **A T**ear **T**o **S**tart **A R**iver

**E **d w a r d ' s **P O V**

I simply held her in my arms, relishing in the way our bodies molded together like puzzle pieces. She sobbed everything to me, and I couldn't help but feel pity towards her and Cailee, and anger towards Sage and her mother.

"I don't even l-love Sage," she said so brokenly, my heart ached. She seemed to pause in her hysterics and then starting up again, finding the truth in her own words. _What is this? Don't tell me you're…happy about this? Are you fucking serious? You're sick, really sick, taking happiness from her pain, you know that? _I mentally scolded myself.

I let her ruin my shirt with her tears, holding her until all that was left was a sniffle or two. She furiously wiped away her tears. I noticed she still wore the yellow shirt stained with her sister's blood.

She shivered involuntarily in my arms and I noticed goose bumps forming on the exposed skin of her arms. She wrapped her sweater tighter around herself, rubbing her arms feebly for warmth. I shrugged out of my black leather jacket, draping it around her and hugging her infinitely closer. She shivered as the cool leather touched her skin, but relaxed her tense muscles further into my embrace.

"Edward?" she whispered, biting her lip and looking up, unintentionally, seductively from under her lashes. My heart beat faltered and quickened in pace at my name coming from her mouth.

"Yes, Bella?" I wondered softly, my body tingling as her name rolled from my tongue. She shivered again, but I had a feeling it wasn't from the cold this time; I grinned smugly.

"I'm sorry about all of this," she said with a weak gesture between the two of us to clarify what she meant.

She fingered the bottom of my jacket as she waited for me to reply. I surprised us both by removing her lip from her mouth and tilting her face up towards mine, kissing away the remnants of her tears. _Watch it Cullen…._

She seemed to understand the words I couldn't say, and I watched as the remainders of her sadness left her face, leaving nothing in its place, an emotionless mask, the same mask I had come to hate in the short time I had known her, the one she wore majority of the time.

She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, and then she slowly wiggled out of my embrace and tried to stand up, but I held steadfastly to her.

"I-I think I should go," she said breathily without turning to face me.

"Okay, let's go," I murmured in her ear and her breath hitched. I helped her to her feet, and as soon as she was out of my arms, I felt empty, cold somehow, like she had taken all of my body heat.

I got to my own feet slowly, and when I was standing, she turned for her car. I reached out for her wrist to stop her, and she let me, but wouldn't turn to meet my gaze. I walked around her until I stood in front of her, eyes closed, biting her lip, breathing ragged. I tugged her gently to my Audi and was a little surprised she didn't fight me. She slid into the passenger seat with no problem and I quickly walked around to the driver side and got in.

I sat with my key hovering above the ignition, afraid to disturb the silence.

Bella paid no attention to me, her knees tucked up under her chest, her eyes trained on the window. I started my car with a quick twist of my wrist, the headlights reflecting the water in front of us. I backed out quickly, making a mental note to come back with Jasper for her car, and sped down the road towards Alice.

The short drive was relatively quiet, save for the sounds of Sum 41 filling my car softly. Bella laughed when _Walking Disaster _came on, but it wasn't her normal laugh; it kind of scared me.

"I haven't listened to them in a while," she commented offhandedly as the song came to a close.

"Why's that?" I wondered genuinely, with a quick glance her way; she hadn't moved at all.

"Sage doesn't like them," she answered simply.

The answer made me clench my jaw tight to refrain from saying something stupid. I gripped the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turned white. _Who the fuck did Sage think he was?_

Sensing her eyes on me, I turned her way. The expression on her face, the way her eyes cried out for help, the distraught set of her features, it all made me want to end the mother fucker who made an angel so helpless.

I vowed right then that I would do anything and everything I could to help her.

I pulled into the Brandon's driveway and simply sat, neither one of us able to move. Alice, having seen my headlights through the front window, ran out to my car and threw Bella's door open. With a strength I didn't know she possessed, she pulled Bella out of the car and crushed her in a hug. Alice sobbed only once, tightening her hold, before taking a step back, wiping her eyes, and clasping Bella's hand in her own.

"Come on, Edward," she called to me as she dragged Bella inside.

I'm not going to lie; Alice scared me a little.

- - - - -  
**B **e l l a ' s **P O V  
**- - - - -

After a much needed shower and change of clothes, I paced.

_What the fuck were you thinking today? You _love _him? You don't even _know _him! And what about Sage? Does he mean nothing anymore? What about everything he's done for you? And Cailee? _

I blew out a sharp breath. Of course Sage meant something, I just didn't know _what _it was anymore. And yes, I suppose he had done quite a bit for me, but how much of that was honest? How many times had he manipulated and used me? I think Cailee loved him more than I did at this point.

Back to the mental chastising:

_God, Bella, when did you get so stupid? You wanted to kiss him! Really fucking kiss him! And then what would you have done? Hung your head in shame? It would have made you no better than Sage._

"I didn't kiss him," I mumbled to myself as I rubbed the tightness in my chest. Yes, Sage had cheated on me. Yes, I had found out, but it was hard not to when he tells you to come over, assuming they'll be finished, while she's still there. Jessica Stanley? Really? I never understood what he saw in her; what would make her so worth the risk of getting caught?

I huffed and crossed my arms angrily over my chest. I was naïve and stupid, just like everyone said, when it came to Sage.

_What the hell are you going to do?_

Tears welled in my eyes, because in all honesty, I had _no clue _what the hell I was going to do. Sage had saved me once, swept me off my feet and loved me in a way I didn't know was possible. But what about now? What about Ed-

"Bella?" Alice's soft voice floated through her bedroom door, interrupting my stream of thoughts.

"You can come in Al, it's your room," I muttered the last part as I turned to make another circuit. The doorknob turned slowly and she hesitantly crept inside, sitting on the edge of her four-poster bed. She crossed one leg over the other and folded her hands in her lap, waiting expectantly.

I made a few more circuits before I dropped my head, covering it with my hands. I took shallow breaths, waiting for the inevitable. But Alice remained silent.

"Is this the part where you tell me 'I told you so'?" I wondered, an edge to my voice.

Alice smiled softly. "It would be very wrong of me to take pleasure out of your pain, but yes. This is the part where I say 'I told you so'."

I glared halfheartedly as I turned to stare at the picture sitting on top of her dresser. I wanted it to be real, the happiness. I wanted the happiness that Alice always exuded. Was it Sage's fault? Or was it my own? Or could we both be at fault?

I sighed heavily, and in a voice that was almost to broken to recognize, whispered, "I don't know what to do, Allie."

She smiled fondly at the old nickname I had for her and got up from the bed to encase me in a hug. Though I didn't think it was possible, a few more tears leaked out and I watched as they splattered on the hardwood floor.

"You'll figure it out, Bells, you always do. And you know that if you need anything at all, you have all of us here for you. I love you," she reminded me.

"I love you, too, Allie," I sniffled, tightening my arms around her.

As we broke apart she wiped the tears out of my eyes and pulled me to the living room where I was surprised to see Edward and Jasper sitting, laughing at something. Jasper smiled when he saw Alice and she danced over to him to sit on his lap, and I frowned as I took a seat on the couch, tucking my legs beneath me.

"You know what you need?" Alice suddenly asked, perking up.

I sighed. "A drink and a smoke?"

She frowned, clearly not amused with my attempt to be funny. "First of all, you quit smoking a year ago, remember? And second, you hate drinking, you say that every time you go to a party. No, what you need is to have some fun."

I rolled my eyes as I pulled my purse into my lap, digging through it for that oh-so-wonderful rectangular package. I smiled as I closed my hand around it, pulling it out. Alice narrowed her eyes, daring me. Jasper and Edward exchanged confused glances.

"You wouldn't," she hissed.

I raised my brow questioningly. "Wouldn't I?"

I shook one cigarette into the palm of my hand, remember exactly the last time I had had one. I took a deep breath, a small smile playing on my lips, as I brought it up to my mouth. I fished my lighter out of my purse and flicked it on, bringing it closer to heaven.

That is, until the cigarette was ripped from my mouth.

Alice stood before me, her eyes narrowed into angry slits. "Where the _fuck _did you even get these? You promised me, Bella, and my mother."

I narrowed my eyes in return. "Promises are broken all the time, Alice. You're blowing this way out of proportion."

"Answer the fucking question," she seethed.

I huffed. "Fine, _mom_," I sneered, "they're Sage's. He always makes me keep a pack because he's constantly forgetting his own. Happy now?"

She snapped the cigarette in half, snatching the pack from my lap and storming away to the kitchen. I heard the garbage disposal growl and scowled at nothing. She was letting this go way too far.

She danced back into the room, reclaiming her spot on Jasper's lap. "Anyway, where were we? Hmm…. Oh, yes, Bella, I think that you need to have a little fun."

"Are you going to snap my fun in half?" I growled.

Jasper bit his lip to hide his smile, while Edward coughed to cover his laugh. Alice turned her glare on him and he held his hands up in surrender. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, and when she turned back to me, she was okay.

"No," she smiled, "but you do need to stand up."

I groaned and fell sideways on the couch. "Alice," I whined.

She shook her head and stood up to turn on the radio. I gasped in horror, she wouldn't…would she?

"Hi Ken!" she exclaimed.

She would.

She pulled me off the couch and began to do the routine that we had perfected long ago. Why? I couldn't quite remember. But I'm pretty sure we were tipsy, and that certainly validated the reason we were doing such a thing now. I couldn't remember how I got stuck being Ken, though….

"_I'm a blond, single girl, in the fantasy world. Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dolly_," she sang, and might I add that it was scarily accurate to the real thing.

"_You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain. Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky_," I retaliated in a horrible imitation of Ken.

Edward and Jasper had finally lost all hope of any control and were leaning against each other for support, holding their sides as their laughter threatened to drown out our rendition of _Barbie Girl. _

I'm surprised our horrible singing and their vociferous laughter didn't wake Cailee, asleep in the guest bedroom, but we soon gave up the singing and collapsed on the floor in a fit of laughter.

As our laughter died down to intermittent giggles, Alice lay her head next to mine as we both stared up at the ceiling. I pretended we were ten years old again, in a makeshift tent of blankets over dining room chairs, our flashlights twinkling for us like stars, where we were invincible.

* * *

"Um, Alice?" I called warily as I searched through my backpack yet again. I could have sworn that I packed a change of clothes…hadn't I? I must have, because Cailee had clothes. So then, where were mine?

"Yes, Bella?" Alice asked a little too innocently as she poked her head into the room. Alice was dressed impeccably in her cheerleading uniform, as there was a game in the evening.

"Alice, what happened to my clothes?"

I waited for a reply, but the only answer I got was a devious smile and a point towards her adjoining bathroom. "You can thank me later," were her simple words.

I stomped into her bathroom, muttering a string of profanities to low for her to hear. Hanging on the back of the door was a halter neck black dress with a deep navy woven throughout. The dress was beautiful, yes, and I had pointed it out to her as liking it in a store, but I didn't wear dresses; they weren't my 'thing.' Below the dress, a pair of purple heels sat, which, not so ironically, matched the nail polish Alice had forced on me last night. _Evil pixie…._

I took a quick shower and slipped into the dress as my hair was still wrapped up in a towel. Using the make-up Alice had laid out, I applied just a little eyeliner and mascara. I blow dried my hair, letting it hang in waves down to my chest. Sighing, I slipped on all three of my gold rings, picked up my heels, and walked out of the bathroom.

Alice squealed when she saw me. "I knew it was going to be perfect, Bella."

I rolled my eyes at her as I plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table. Cailee and Mrs. Brandon were still asleep. Cailee was saved from waking up early thanks to Mrs. Brandon offering to take her to school, feeling horrible about what had happened yesterday. She really had no reason to, though. It wasn't her fault.

Alice was chipper as usual, even at seven in the morning. She chattered happily about Jasper and the squad and the game and blah, blah, blah. I loved Alice, I really did, but the girl had no filter.

I ate breakfast quietly, and we were leaving just as Mrs. Brandon walked out of her room. She smiled happily at us and kissed us both on the cheek, telling us to have a good day.

Alice chirped happily as we made our way to school. I was so not looking forward to seeing everyone, especially Sage. I wasn't sure how much longer we were going to last. I had seen the end coming, I could see it in his eyes, for a long time, but I knew it was real now that it was mirrored in my own. I hoped that he wouldn't show up, but my hopes were crushed when I spotted his sleek black car next to Edward's Audi, Jasper leaning against it.

He smiled as Alice bounced out of the car and wrapped an arm around her waist, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Alice giggled coyly and stuck her hand in his back pocket as they turned towards the school.

"See you later, Bells," Alice called over her shoulder with a giddy smile.

I leaned against the hood of my car, staring down at the pavement beneath me. I _really _needed a fucking cigarette. I was too much of a damn coward to deal with this. My skin prickled, like it had when Edward's hands were on me, and I looked up to see him sauntering my way, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. God, he was my savior.

He smiled as the distance between us closed, pulling the cigarette from his lips and releasing a gray cloud of smoke. _Oh, to be those lips…._ I shook my head out of its Edward-induced stupor and returned the smile meekly. Hey, I tried.

"Good morning, Isabella," he said politely, and I swear I melted. I fucking hated my full name, but when he said it, with a voice of melting honey…do I really need to say anything more?

"You look stunning today," he commented as his eyes raked me up and down.

I blushed in return and looked down. "Thank you. You don't look half bad yourself, Edward."

His faded gray hoodie hung loose, but tight enough to hint at the muscled chest below. His jeans, slung low on his waist, weren't as tight as the ones Sage usually wore, but tight enough to cup his fantastic ass and make my mouth water. Chukka Low Vans were laced on his feet, a bright blue paired with black.

While I was ogling him, he pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and held them out to me. I glanced at them warily, aware that he knew exactly what happened last night with Alice.

He smirked cockily."Come on, I won't tell if you won't."

I pulled one from the pack, my fingers brushing his. I brought it to my lips and held it there as he put out his lighter and flicked it on for me. I took one, long, drag before tipping my head back and spilling the smoke from my mouth, a smile on my face. I resisted the urge to moan as I pulled it into my mouth again.

He chuckled. "Okay, maybe that wasn't such a great idea. I think I just pulled you back to the dark side."

I grinned at him as I took another drag. If Edward was on the dark side, then I had no problem being there as well. He pulled his phone out and frowned, taking one last pull from his cigarette and throwing it to the ground, putting it out with the toe of his shoe.

"We're going to be late," he explained, but didn't move from away me.

I frowned as I looked down at the cigarette. I sighed and stomped it out, the same as he had. I gathered my purse from the hood of my car and slung it on my shoulder as we started towards the front of the building. I took a few swigs of water from the bottle I kept in my purse and popped in a piece of gum Edward offered. I sprayed some more perfume on me and took a deep breath as Edward held the door open for me. I smiled at him once more before we parted ways.

I slunk into my classroom just as the final bell rang and breathed a silent sigh of relief. Alice raised a brow at me, but I said nothing as I slid into my seat next to hers. There were a few teasing whistles and leers from friends in the class in regards to the clothing I chose to wear. I smiled brightly, crossed my legs, and dropped my chin into my palm to endure the class period.

- - - - -  
**E **d w a r d ' s **P O V  
**- - - - -

She was trying to kill me, I was certain of it. Although, if I knew her like I was sure I did, it was really Alice to blame. But still, that girl was going to be the death of me. That dress was a stark contrast to her creamy skin and it just made her appear as though there was this glow about her. I was sure there was nothing sexier, that is, until I saw her drag on the cigarette. I felt bad about it, really, especially after what went down between her and Alice, but I needed to make my angel smile, and I mean really smile.

I walked into the lunchroom with Jasper and Emmett jabbing at each other, Rose sighing in annoyance and no doubt throwing in a few towards Emmett as well. Jacob, Alice and Bella were already seated at the table, and the topic must have been enrapturing because there heads were all close together.

"But I thought you were…?" Alice said, raising and eyebrow his way; Bella nodded in agreement.

Jacob smiled. "So did I. But you trying thinking about a guy's dick while the hottest chick's riding you, and tell me how that works out."

Bella and Alice both looked horrified while Jacob threw his head back and laugh and eventually they followed suit. I took my seat next to Bella and she threw me a smile as she settled back in her seat. Jasper took his next to Alice, stealing a kiss from her. She smiled brightly up at him and returned the kiss.

"Hey bitches!" Emmett bellowed with his cocky grin as he took his seat next to me. Rose waved at everyone and took her seat next to him and immediately Alice leaned over the table to talk to her and Emmett about the game later.

Bella fiddled nervously as she waited for Sage, no doubt, to enter the room, though, why, I couldn't fathom. Leah sashayed in and waved as she bent down to whisper in Jake's ear. His face lit up with a shit-eating grin as he sprung from his chair to trail behind Leah out of the room.

"Use protection!" Emmett called after them causing them to both flip him the bird.

As our chuckles dies, Sage finally entered the room. He sauntered over to the table like he owned the fucking place, waving and laughing as people called his name. Bella stood as he approached and they kissed briefly before he pulled back, his eyebrow arched.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" he asked, almost in disgust.

Bella tried to laugh it off. "It's called a dress, Sage."

Alice narrowed her eyes at him as he looked her up and down before he scoffed. "Since when do you dress like a whore?"

Our table went silent immediately. Bella sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, her eyes shining, though she remained silent. Rose stood angrily, but Emmett put a restraining hand on her arm and pulled her back down.

Sage crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently. "I do believe I asked you a question."

Bella looked down, and then up hopelessly. "Sage, please, let's not do this here."

He snorted and shook his head as he looked away. "Fine, then let's get the fuck out of here. You gonna tell me then why you're dressing like a fucking slut? Huh?"

He didn't give her a chance to reply as he gripped her wrist and dragged her out the door leading outside. Bella's heels clicked disjointedly as she tripped along behind him, looking like a child about to be reprimanded for taking a cookie from the cookie jar.

Looking around the table, I saw my expression of anger, horror, and utter surprise mixed on everyone's faces.

"What the fuck was that?" Emmett finally asked. Rose fumed silently in her chair, her eyes dangerously dark.

Alice had a similar look as Rose, though the utter disbelief was dominant. Then her face crumpled and she jumped up from the table, trying to run from the room, her eyes shining with unshed tears. However, Jasper caught her arm and pulled her small frame down on his lap.

"Tell me what's goin' on darlin'," he said softly.

"This is all my fault. I made her wear the stupid dress. I'm the reason this happened. I knew Sage would be made, I was trying to make him mad, because he doesn't deserve Bella, and I was trying to show both of them that, but Bella's too selfless to stand up for herself and, and…," she trailed off as she took her first breath and buried her face in Jasper's shirt.

"Who killed a puppy?" Jacob wondered as he and Leah bounced back over to us, both of them disheveled and clearly happy.

Alice glared at him and his smile faltered. "Seriously guys, what's going on?"

Emmett was the one to speak, though all of us were still shell shocked. "I'm not entirely sure…," he paused, "but I don't think it's a good thing."

Rose scoffed, obviously still pissed. "You think, Emmett, really? He just humiliated her and called her a slut in front of all of us! Why didn't you let me say something when I had the chance?"

Jacob looked at all of us and then over my shoulder, out the window, where they were arguing, Sage flailing his arms wildly.

"Shit," he cursed softly, standing up before he had ever really sat down. When Leah didn't moved out of his way fast enough, he leaped over the table, knocking over a chair and causing everyone to look our way, and out the door.

"Oh God," Leah said as she ran out after them, immediately placing a restraining hand on Bella as tears streamed ceaselessly from her eyes.

The remaining people at the table exchanged glances before we were out of our seats and the door, flocking around the four of them.

"Fuck you!" Sage yelled as he struggled against Jacob's firm grasp.

"That's all you ever want anymore, a good fuck! You think I don't know you're cheating again, huh? You think I'm that fucking stupid? If you're that unhappy, why don't you just fucking leave me already, you fucking coward!" Bella screamed as she tried to push past Leah standing in front of her.

Sage glared, but said nothing, pissed off more at having been one-upped by her. He had no response now, especially with the glares he was getting from the rest of us.

He shrugged out of Jacob's hold and walked until he stood in her face. Anger rolled off of him, wave after wave, but Bella's gaze didn't falter. Leah moved from between them to stand behind Bella.

Sage cupped her cheek in his palm and slowly moved his head down until their lips met. He tried desperately to get any response from her, but Bella made no move and pushed him away.

She glared at him, and if looks could kill, he'd be a heap of limbs on the ground. She took the ring that he had given her, his idea of a promise ring, off of her finger and threw it to his feet.

With what I thought was a steely resolve she hissed, "It's over."

Sage muttered 'bitch' under his breath, picked up the ring, and stalked back inside, making final what she had said. Or, so I had thought.

Fuck, was I wrong.

* * *

_A/N: Yay! Well, not really a yay, because that was really sad, but yay for me for updating! Right? Okay, maybe not. Soooo, next chapter I'm thinking a good ol' teen party, yeah? Things are getting a little tense.  
On an off note, I need to - for lack of a better word - whine a little. So just imagine I'm one of those really annoying whiny girls. Okay, here goes.  
Guuuys! Ohmygosh, do you, like, hate me or something? Three reviews in the two chapters I've written? Don't you have any clue what you're doing to my ego? You're crushing me, guys, I've had some serious doubts. Do you even want me to continue?  
So, with that said, thank you _**Hunter **_once again for keeping my ass in line. Love you.  
If you're following my other stories, HWSHF will be up soon and maybe an update for RICWB, yeah? Yeah, I dig.  
Okay guys, bed time for me!  
Love you,  
Kelly_

_On a P.S. note, hehe, the song for this chapter is _**You Cry A Tear To Start A River **_by _**Between The Trees**_, go listen, really good. The other songs are obvious, I hope, because I put the song and band in there, except _**Barbie Girl**, _but if you can't figure that out, well...that's just sad._


	4. Where Does The Good Go

**I **f **Y **o u **C **o u l d **S **e e **I **n t o **M **y **S **o u l

**C**hapter **4** - **W**here **D**oes **T**he **G**ood **G**o

**E **d w a r d ' s **P O V **

Three things happened in the span of a month.

The first, which was probably the hardest thing to handle for everyone, - other than Alice, Jacob, and Leah - was Bella and Sage getting back together. It happened only a week and a half after they had broken up. Sage showed up on her doorstep, eyes rimmed red, giving her some sob story about how he couldn't bear to live another second knowing that she was upset with him. The rest of us had been furious, and tried to talk her out of it, but she would have no part in any of what we said.

The second thing, which would have gone completely unnoticed had Alice not thrown a fit, was Bella and Cailee moving back home. Alice pleaded, and yelled, and threw more than one tantrum to get her to stay. Needless to say, it didn't work and Bella and Cailee went home. It had made Cailee exceedingly happy, but unfortunately buried Bella deeper within herself.

The third, while not affecting anyone other than Bella directly, affected us by the way she acted. It seems that Cailee had become increasingly difficult. She was no longer the cute little girl that we had all unintentionally fallen in love with, but, in Bella's words, had become 'the spawn of Satan.' There was little that Bella could do anymore that wouldn't result in a temper tantrum, or a screaming match. Whatever Bella said, Cailee would respond by buckling her knees, falling to the ground with her head thrown back, and screaming. It didn't help at all that Charlie only blamed Bella for this change, and didn't nothing to stop it.

Today was Saturday, and also Alice and Bella's annual Halloween party. Alice claimed it was perfect timing, because everyone needed some 'cool-off time' from the previous month. She was met with little resistance at the mention of the party, other than a few complaints Bella threw in.

Alice had just rolled her eyes and sighed, placing her hands on her tiny waist. "Bella, it couldn't be _our _annual Halloween party if _you _didn't host with me, could it?"

Alice had acted like she was waiting patiently for a reply, but showed no genuine surprise when Bella had conceded, grumbling about being able to pick out her own costume this year. Alice made no promises.

I was on Bella pick-up duty, as I had been for a while now due to complications with her car. I didn't mind at all. In fact, I found that I liked spending time with her. Maybe I was just a masochist, but I was determined to remain friends with her, despite the growing feelings I had towards her.

As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed a few things. One, Charlie wasn't home. This didn't surprise me in the slightest, but I was, however, surprised by the spark of anger it ignited in me. The second being that the house was almost entirely dark, even in the early evening. And third, when I cut the engine, it was entirely quiet. Almost eerie in the absence of sound. Very fitting, I thought, with it being Halloween.

I knocked softly on the dark wood of the door, then quickly buried my hands in my pockets. For some reason, picking her up made me nervous. Not in a bad way, but in the way you feel nervous picking up the beautiful girl for your first date. _Yeah, that kind of nervous._

It was, of course, entirely ridiculous to feel this way. The only feelings we shared for each other were ones of friendship. And that was fine. That was good. _It's good. It's good. It's goooood._ I mentally groaned and rolled my eyes. Now was not the time to do a Jim Carrey impersonation.

"It's open," her soft voice called from somewhere inside the house, and I tentatively twisted the handle and stepped inside, while mentally chastising her for leaving the front door unlocked.

I followed the soft sound of music to the dimly lit kitchen, illuminated only by a small light over the sink. Bella was humming softly to the music, working slowly around the kitchen. Her hair, rather than just wavy, was in perfect spiral curls, falling over her shoulders, the sides pinned back.

"Hey," I said quietly, propping myself up against the doorjamb.

"Hey yourself," she said with a small smile over her shoulder.

I wanted to kiss her. There was no doubt about it as I stared at her soft pink lips. She was, without doubt, the sexiest woman I had ever seen. But there was also an effortless beauty that she exuded. I shifted my eyes to the floor, resisting the urge to sweep her hair over her shoulder and kiss the soft, exposed skin of her shoulder.

Removing my eyes from those shiny fucking curls, and soft shoulder, I saw perhaps the shortest pair of shorts. Ever. I was thoroughly convinced she was trying to kill me now. But the way she wore them wasn't in an 'I'm sexy and I know it way' it was more of a 'These shorts are damn comfortable, so fuck what you think, I'm going to wear them anyway.'

"Laser vision still not workin', there, Edward?" she wondered, her voice forcing me out of my stare. A delicious blush settled along the apples of her cheeks and she shuffled her feet in embarrassment as she turned to find my eyes locked on her ass.

I gave her a crooked smile and looked up at her from under my lashes. Her bottom lip became firmly wedged in her teeth as she regarded me. "Please forgive me for staring, I don't know where my manners went."

Why try to lie? There was sexual attraction between the two of us and anyone with half of a brain could tell. She snorted and my smile grew at the sound. She turned around with a shake of her head, though she was smiling.

The back door slammed shut and Cailee skipped into the kitchen, a bright smile on her face, her muddy shoes leaving smudges on the wood floors. She dropped her jacket on the floor and kicked her shoes off, leaving them in a muddy heap in the middle of the floor. From the corner of my eye, I watched as Bella tensed, her jaw clenching, and _what the fuck is that? _Her fucking eye twitched. She took a deep steadying breath and moved to the mass of dirty clothing on the floor. With a very pointed look in Cailee's direction, Bella hung the jacket on a hook and placed the shoes just outside the back door.

Cailee didn't get it.

"Belly," she whined, dropping her head dramatically on her folded arms, "I'm hungry."

"Cailee," Bella returned in an equally whiney voice with an eye roll, "don't be rude. Say hi to Edward."

Her blue eyes briefly flickered towards my face, as she mumbled, "Hi Eddard," before unleashing that whine on Bella again. "I'm _really _hungry, Bella. Where's dinner?"

"Cailee," Bella snapped, her hands freezing in their movements, her shoulders tense and eyes closed tightly, "I'm working on it, alright? Find something to do until it's ready. Why don't you go get your costume on?'

Cailee sighed dramatically and jumped out of her chair, dragging her feet as she made her way to the stairs. She stuck her tongue out at Bella before promptly stomping upstairs.

Bella groaned tiredly and rubbed her palms into her eyes before pulling them back sharply with a quiet curse, forgetting about her makeup. She muttered something under her breath, washed her hands, and placed a small pot of something on the stove.

"I'm sorry about that," she murmured, twisting the knob on the stove, waiting for it to catch. She turned to me once it did, her eyes downcast, almost ashamed and entirely defeated. She turned and disappeared up the stairs before I had a chance to say anything.

I wasn't entirely sure what I should have said, or why she was apologizing in the first place. It wasn't her fault Cailee was acting that way, and I knew that if I were in her position, I wouldn't have been able to stay as calm as she did.

There was a sudden bang upstairs and the angry pounding of feet across the floor. "Damn it, Cailee!" There were more words, but they were undecipherable as Cailee began to scream at the top of her lungs.

Bella stopped talking and the screaming quickly followed suit. "I'm telling dad!"

"Fucking tell dad, I don't give a shit!" There was another bang and then another and then music floated down the stairs.

I huffed out a breath and ran a hand through my hair, wishing I had my fucking cigarettes. But dad had not been pleased when he found them - again. Fuck him, though, 'cause those things kept me calm as fuck, and without them I was not a nice person. Even the cat and dog were looking at me helplessly.

Cailee was the first to come downstairs. She was a ladybug, her dress red with black polka dots. She wore black leggings as well, and black Mary Jane shoes. She would have been cute if she wasn't scowling at everything.

She dropped herself into a chair at the kitchen table, continuing to glare. She kicked her legs sullenly, her shoes dinging against the metal bar holding the table up. I did notice, however, that she stiffened when she heard Bella coming down the stairs.

Bella was one pissed off Red Riding Hood, and I did my best to ignore the fact that if she bent over, her ass would be on display. I pushed away the mental image of those heels digging into my ass as I worked her over. _God damn._ That was the shortest fucking skirt I'd ever seen. But at the same time, it didn't look trashy. Bella still kept her dignity wearing that scrap of material.

She threw a pack of cigarettes at me and I quirked a brow as I caught them. "What the hell am I supposed to do with these?"

She turned her back to me as she began running a brush through Cailee's hair, separating it into two sections to make pigtails. With one hand, she gestured down the front of her, my eyes lingering on her long legs for a fraction too long. "Where would you like me to put them?"

I smirked and muttered lowly, "You don't want me to answer that."

Ignoring me, she put together a plate of macaroni and cheese and beckoned me to follow her upstairs. I tried like hell to keep my eyes away from her ass, but damnit, I am a man. She closed her door behind me and walked across the room to open her window. Swinging one leg out, she grabbed onto my shirt and forced me out of the window, after her.

It was cold as fuck, but if she could sit there in that short ass skirt, then I'd be fine in jeans and a leather jacket. I passed her a cigarette silently and took one for myself, lighting up before passing the lighter to her. I took a long drag and held it for a beat before blowing out a long line of smoke. Bella paid no attention to me and watched the fucker burn more than she sucked on it.

I took her in silently. She'd recently put red in her hair, under the brown, and there was one streak of blonde that ran down the side of her face. Her Monroe piercing sparkled in the sun and I wondered if she had gotten it done because _she_ wanted to, or if Sage had wanted her to get it because he had two lip rings. She was also sporting a tattoo on her neck, though I didn't know what it was.

We were more alike than I had ever wanted to think, but we both had secrets as well. I had no clue what the hell happened to her mom, or what happened between her father and her. And I didn't even want to think about the fact that Cailee didn't look a thing like Charlie or Bella. I was all for the past staying dead and all that shit, but I needed to know her. I frowned and took another drag of my cigarette, realizing that I would never know her like I wanted to.

"What are you thinking about so hard over there?" Her soft voice interrupted my musings and I stubbed out my cigarette before I turned my head in her direction.

"What makes you think I'm thinking about anything?" I wondered, lifting a brow when she smirked at my convoluted sentence.

"You were tapping your tongue ring on your teeth. You do that when you're thinking about something," she answered easily, her lips wrapping around the butt of the cigarette slowly, her eyes watching me.

As if to prove her point I stuck it between my teeth like I usually did whenever someone mentioned it. I smirked a little as I watched her watching me, her eyes darkening as I drew it back in my mouth, smiling crookedly as she swallowed hard. She took a long drag from her cigarette before butting it out, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"Well you can't expect me to sit here and think about nothing," I finally answered, watching her shiver as a particularly cold breeze drifted over us.

She shrugged in response. "Which is why I asked you what you were thinking about."

What the hell was I supposed to tell her? That I was thinking about her? _Yeah, it ain't happening._ I hummed out a sigh and checked the time on my phone. She watched me carefully, probably knowing she wasn't going to get a response. "We should probably get going."

She nodded to herself and got to her feet, climbing back through the window and leaving her bedroom without waiting for me. I sighed and trailed behind her as she slung a backpack over her shoulder and grabbed a sweater from the hooks by the side door.

"Cailee, let's go," she called in the direction of the living room as she put away the leftover food and cleared the kitchen table. Cailee skipped into the room as if nothing had transpired between her and her sister earlier. She talked excitedly about trick or treating and Bella hummed quietly in response to her enthusiasm. She was still angry, that much was clear, but she wasn't dwelling on it.

We dropped Cailee off at her friend, Megan's house, and the expression on her mother's face when she saw Bella was priceless. Bella, however, was the picture of perfection. She was polite and caring and offered to give up her free time if anything should happen to Cailee. Cailee, who had disappeared inside the house the second the door opened, peeked around only to say goodbye to Bella before vanishing again.

Bella was not happy when she returned to the car, muttering under her breath in a mockery of the woman's voice. "Oh dear, you look cold. It's no problem at all watching Cailee, she's such a sweetheart. Please enjoy yourself, don't concern yourself with Cailee. She's perfectly safe."

She turned her ramblings on me. "What the hell does that even mean? Does she think Cailee's not safe with me? Damnit, I'm the only one that fucking takes care of her, of course she's safe with me. I look cold," she scoffed, lighting up a cigarette, "of course I'm fucking cold, it's October and I'm wearing a short ass skirt. Fucking judging me like she fucking knows me. God damn stupid people looking at me like I'm a fucking stereotype; fuck that! Just because I do what I want, I'm a bad person."

She huffed and wiped angrily at a tear. I'd learned fairly quickly that Bella cried when she was pissed, or not at all. Not even the time she accidentally cut her finger open slicing vegetables for dinner. The best thing to do when she was like that was just sit and listen to what she was saying. The only person who could comment and remain living was Alice. Rosalie had once said something and Bella had proceeded to tear her a new asshole. Admittedly, she was fucking livid, but it was hot as hell.

"I just want to get drunk and forget everything," she muttered, flicking her cigarette out the window as we pulled into Alice's drive.

Stupid me and my stupid fucking mouth. I should have just kept my mouth shut, but my own annoyance was growing. So instead, I noted dryly, "Sounds promising."

She whipped her head in my direction so fast she should have gotten whiplash. Her nostrils flared, her jaw clenched, and she swung the door open. "Fuck you," she spat, slamming the door hard behind her, rocking the car.

She disappeared inside Alice's house, slamming that door behind her as well. "Damnit," I groaned, dropping my head to the steering wheel, inadvertently laying on the horn. Just what I needed, her to be pissed off at me.

_Stupid me and my stupid fucking mouth._

_- - - - -  
_**B **e l l a ' s **P O V **  
- - - - -

Who the hell did he think he was?

The question ran rampant through my mind as I made my way from room to room, trying desperately to remain upright through the swaying of bodies. The alcohol wasn't helping any, but I said I wanted to get drunk, and damnit, I fucking meant it.

Alice buzzed around the party like a, well, like a bee. Which was pretty fucking ironic considering that's what she decided to be this year. She even recruited Jasper, the gangster, to help her out. Even Rosalie and Emmett did their share, though they mostly dry humped against the wall. There wasn't much in the way of clothes between the two of them. Rosalie was a pin-up girl and Emmett was a fire fighter. Jacob and Leah had been invited, of course, but decided to hang at home.

Fuck, I knew there was a reason I loved my friends. They let me get wasted even though I was supposed to be helping Alice host this bitch of a party.

_Speaking of Alice…_. I latched on to one of her wings and used her to pull myself through the hoard of bodies. The contents of my cup sloshed dangerously close to the edge, so I brought it to my lips to catch any overflow.

She stopped in the less crowded kitchen and spun around quickly. Watching her made me dizzy, and I let go of her wing to stay upright. She took the cup from my hand and quickly downed the remainder of it's contents. Alice handed it off to Jasper who had materialized at her side and I laughed at the sight of the two of them. _A bumble bee and a gangster. _

I pouted when I realized my drink was now gone and sent a glare in Alice's direction. She met my gaze with clear, hazel eyes. I blinked three times in rapid succession when my vision blurred, and raised my hand to rub my eyes. Alice sighed in exasperation and smacked my hand away.

"Where's Sage?" I wondered loudly with a slight slur. I tilted slightly to the left and giggled down at my socked feet that refused to keep me upright.

A pair of hands grasped my shoulders and I turned slightly only to be met with emerald eyes. I frowned and shrugged out from his grasp. "I'm mad at you," I slurred, by way of explanation.

He sighed and barely contained an eye roll, but he did let me go. I shifted again, but tripped over a foot and landed on all fours with a thud. I turned over and covered my eyes, giggling like mad because it was damn funny. Apparently, Alice and the others didn't think so.

A pair of hands encircled my wrists and I was pulled to my feet and into Edward's chest, while I hung limp like a rag doll. Alice was hissing something at me, but I giggled, and shushed her with a finger to her lip. Well, more like up her nose, which made me laugh harder. She ordered Edward to take me upstairs, but I wasn't having that. As he began urging me forward, I dug my heels in and pushed back against him. I yelled obscenities at them and did the only thing I could think of.

I screamed for Sage.

Something flashed in Alice's eyes, and I screamed louder, refusing to admit to what I'd seen. But God damn, she just kept looking at me like that. I'd seen that look before and I'd kicked her ass because of it. Mother fuck, she was looking at me with pity. The last time she'd done that was when she'd told me about….

"No," I moaned, sinking to my knees, and dropping my head into my hands as I pushed the thought out of my head. People were starting to gather in and around the kitchen, trying to see what the hell was going on. It would have been nice to know myself. There was only one person I wanted, no, _needed, _to see, and he was nowhere in sight.

"Bella," Alice murmured as she kneeled in front of me. "You need to go upstairs and lie down for a while. You need to calm down and we'll talk when you can think a little more clearly."

Ignoring what she had just said, I whispered, "Is he cheating on me?"

Alice bit her lip and dropped her gaze to her hands resting in her lap. That was more than enough of an answer for me, but I needed to hear her _say _it. It didn't matter that it would tear my heart into more unrecognizable pieces; at this point it was beginning to resemble a puzzle, with no hope of it ever going back together.

"Bella," she said again, this time with a little more authority. "Go upstairs with Edward and -"

"Is he fucking cheating or not?" I demanded cutting her off. My chest heaved as my heart stood precariously close to the edge of heartbreak. Alice averted her gaze to Edward and my eyes inadvertently found his.

"Bella," Edward said this time, squatting down so he could whisper in my ear. I pushed him away and scrambled to my feet, shooting out of the room to the guest bedroom where it all happened. My throat seized up and my heart stopped beating as I paused outside the door.

There were noises coming from inside, unmistakable noises, and my head hit the door with a defeated thump. An arm encircled my waist, trying to pull me back, but I clung to the doorframe, refusing to move from my spot. Edward's voice was in my ear, trying to persuade me to go with him, but the pain of my heart splintering incapacitated me.

"You knew," I mumbled in realization as his and Alice's efforts clicked into place in my mind. He went silent and I turned my head a fraction to meet his gaze. Instead I found Alice, a hand raised in my direction as though she were going to _comfort_ me. "You knew and you let it happen."

Alice shook her head vigorously, her gaze intent. "It didn't happen like that, Bella. It had already started when I found out, there was nothing I could do about it."

"How long?" I whispered. Alice and Edward exchanged a fleeting glance, and anger sparked inside of me. Without hesitation, I threw the door open and flung an arm in their direction, a fucked up Vanna White. "How _fucking _long?"

I refused to take in the scene in front of me. I refused to see Sage hovering over another girl. I refused to see his mouth attached to hers. I refused to hear my name fall from my lips as I caught him red _fucking _handed. Pun fucking intended. I refused to see the brunette beneath him, the smug smirk on her face.

I waited for someone to say something, but Alice and Edward merely averted their gaze, and if there weren't a party going on, there would have been nothing but silence. Until the bitch spoke up.

"Sage…," she moaned, all breathy and shit, writing beneath him. It was like a bad fucking car crash. You wanted to look away, but you just couldn't. it sobered me up hard and fast and I staggered under the weight of my chest.

Sage gazed at me, unmoving. He didn't leave her and he didn't come towards me. His stare was clear, his eyes near black in ecstasy. He'd been close, and I'd ruined it for him. He moved after an infinitesimal moment, and I turned away only to keep my stomach from heaving.

"Please, don't stop on my account," I said in a steadier voice than any I could have hoped for. I turned on my heel and made my way towards the front door, forgoing any shoes or jacket. There was no use in running either, because it wouldn't make tonight go away. It wouldn't make anything go away.

I didn't know where the hell I was going, but I just needed to _go. _I threw a fleeting glance at my car, noticing for the first time that there was a sizable dent on the driver side headlight, as if Sage had hit something while he was driving it. Surprisingly, I could feel no anger. The only thing I felt was humiliation, pure and unadulterated.

The cold should have had me shivering, but the alcohol running through my system refused to let me feel it. There were no tears, either. I refused to cry over someone who would so callously throw me away. I'd learned my lesson from my mother.

There were steady footfalls behind me, but I refused to slow up to meet them, because I knew who it would be and I had nothing to say to him. There was a park only two blocks over, and even if it was past curfew, I needed someplace to go. Maybe if I was lucky I could get arrested, adding a cherry to my perfect night.

He made no move to catch up to me, and for that I was thankful. He gave me the space to sort through my head and find where I had gone wrong. Of course, if I was being entirely honest with myself, I knew that I shouldn't be blaming myself. But the irrational side of my brain told the rational side to take a hike, so it tucked tail and ran.

I sat heavily on a swing, noting that the only sound was the creak of the metal chains. He sat after a moment, but still we sat in silence. He held something out to me and I smiled sadly when I saw my Converse. I wanted to thank him for bringing them, but I couldn't find the right words to say. There was still too much anger towards he and Alice.

I took a deep breath of the crisp air, feeling the burn in my chest as my lungs expanded with the icy air. I laced my shoes on my feet, wiggling my toes as they found comfort. _Now for the rest of me. _

"I fucked up," I said quietly as I began pumping my legs slowly, gaining momentum. The hood of my cape fell from my head and my curls flew gently around my face. He watched me for a moment before he kicked off the ground and started to swing with me.

I chuckled gently as I noticed that we were swinging in unison, "Double Dating," like kids used to tease each other about in elementary school. Though it was sad and quiet, I noticed that it brought a smile to his lips, and that smile was worth more than I could ever explain to myself.

"I know that you probably don't want to hear this right now," he said almost inaudibly, glancing at me as I dragged my feet across the dirt beneath the swing, bringing myself to a stop. He followed my lead and stopped as well, the soft _tap_ of his tongue ring the only sound I heard.

Edward was probably right - I probably didn't want to hear whatever it was he had to say. But for whatever reason, I nodded. His voice proved to distract me from thoughts swirling around inside my head, and right now that's the only comfort I wanted.

"It isn't your fault that he did that," he said, a frown on his face as he worked to not say Sage's name, or name what he had done. I was grateful that he had, but at this point it felt as though nothing could hurt me. That was probably a big fucking lie, but I just felt numb.

I nodded to show him that I heard what he said, but I refused to let the words settle in my mind. It had to be my fault, because my mother had done the same thing. Well, in perspective, she had. They'd both told me they loved me, then they'd hurt me and left. I sympathized with my father on this one. There was no worse pain I'd experienced than what Sage had done to me. And stupidly, I'd let it happen more than once, forgiven him, and taken him back. In some form, I was to blame for his behavior. I was the fucking _enabler_, even though it wasn't my intention.

"And for what it's worth," he continued, unaware of my internal debate, "Alice and I are sorry we didn't tell you. I just felt that it wasn't our place to become involved, but I guess it was a pretty shitty thing to do." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, forgetting it was gelled for his costume.

"I'm just…tired, you know? I can't even feel hurt anymore," I admitted as I sucked in a deep breath. My lungs ached from the overabundance of air, and I expelled it slowly, a sudden white cloud in front of my face. I shook my head slowly and kicked at the frozen ground.

His hand covered mine on the metal chain, and I allowed him to twine our fingers together. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean."

"For what it's worth?" I questioned, echoing his earlier words. He cocked an eyebrow in my direction, urging me forward silently. "_I'm _sorry."

He shook his head and brought my hand to his lips for a kiss. The shock that passed between us urged me to pull my hand away, but he held fast, refusing to let it go. It was an oddly comforting gesture.

"If anyone's sorry, it's me," he argued softly, rubbing his thumb over my hand. He turned it over and traced patterns on the sensitive skin. My other hand secured itself to the metal chain by my head and I leaned over, resting my head on it.

"There's a difference between _being _sorry and _feeling_ sorry," I whispered. He met my gaze with a look of determination on his face.

Standing, he took my face in his hands, tracing my features, as if he were trying to commit them to memory."I would _never _feel sorry for you, Bella. You may be stubborn and opinionated, but you're strong and kind, so selfless. You live up to your name in more ways than one, and when I'm around you, the whole room lights up. I won't say you're perfect, because you'll fight me on it, but in my opinion, you're as close as it gets."

He leaned closer as he spoke, his breath warming my face in the most delicious of ways. I licked my lips unconsciously, my gaze briefly flickering to his mouth. I leaned forward a fraction of an inch, and his stare alternated between my eyes and my lips. His emerald eyes were piercing me straight through. A small fissure in my heart slowly began to mend itself as I closed my eyes and leaned forward just a little more.

Edward met me half way and the world melted away. My heart soared and my mind quieted, because suddenly I was doing the only thing I really wanted to do.

I was kissing Edward.

* * *

_A/N: Long time, no see. I've been really busy, and I momentarily lost faith in the story. But I'm back. I know this song doesn't really fit with the atmosphere of IYCSIMS, but the lyrics of _If Not, For Ourselves _by _Woe, Is Me _are beautiful for this chapter. Anywho, the song for this chapter is _Where Does The Good Go _by _Tegan and Sara. Don't Make Me Wait _by _This World Fair _was playing on repeat, however, when I wrote this. I'll put links up for their costumes soon. Weeeell, I guess that's that.  
Reviews make me smile.  
Love,  
Kelly_


	5. Caraphernelia

**I **f **Y **o u **C ** **S **e e **I **n t o ** M **y **S **o u l

**C**hapter **5** - **C**araphernelia

**B ** ' s **P O V**

I woke up in a tangle of limbs, and for a brief moment, panic swelled in my chest because the chest my head was lying on did not belong to my boyfriend. Er, ex-boyfriend, rather. But when I glanced up, I found green eyes staring down at me, and my panic was quelled.

"Hi," he murmured, voice thick with sleep.

"Hi," I returned quietly, fighting to keep the smile off my face as I replayed the previous night. Almost involuntarily, I ran a finger over my lips and smiled when he smiled.

I snuggled further into his chest, which was both hard and soft, both in the right places, and he squeezed me tighter, burrowing us both into the comforter surrounding us. I buried my nose in his chest and inhaled deeply. He smelled like clean, and cigarettes, and boy; perfect.

I knew that I should be just the slightest bit concerned about the previous night, but when he leaned down and captured my lips in a gentle good morning kiss, all thoughts left my mind. I knew that I needed time to heal, and I knew that I would tell him such, but I also knew how much I wanted this. And how much I was not willing to give this up.

We pulled apart rather unwillingly, and I finally separated myself enough to realize we were in Alice's room. Edward slipped out from the bed and lit up a cigarette, standing near the window at the back of the room. Cigarette dangling from his perfect pouty lips, he pulled his discarded jeans over his black boxer briefs.

I slid slowly out of bed, stretching as I did so. My head was pounding, and my stomach was rolling, but otherwise I felt good, if not the slightest bit sore. I furrowed my brow, not remembering how I wound up in Alice's bed.

"Edward," I said before I thought, "did we fuck last night?"

He laughed, dispelling smoke from his lips at the same time. He scratched at the stubble on his chin with his thumb as he raked his eyes up and down my frame, clad only in his over-sized t-shirt. "Naw," he said finally, eyes dark and dangerous, "we didn't fuck."

Disappointment twisted in my belly, and I dropped my head with a nod. Yeah, I mean, it was a good thing we didn't, I wasn't that stupid. But I wanted to. Shit, I _really _wanted to. Goddamn Sage.

"Hey," he called quietly. He stubbed the cigarette out and flicked the butt out the open window. With slow steps, he crossed the room until he stood in front of me. Our eyes studied each other silently. I wanted to lick his jaw. Was that weird? Fuck, what did I care? It was a sexy fucking jaw.

He wiped at what I was sure was smudged make-up under my eyes with his thumb, a smile dancing around the edges of his lips.

"I would never take advantage of you," he said quietly, eyes imploring, beseeching me to know he was speaking the truth. And I did. Without a doubt, I knew that he was a good guy. Urg, this was too much serious conversation for a hangover.

He kissed the top of my head and left the room, leaving me alone to change clothes and whatnot. I stretched some more and took a deep breath of his shirt, wondering if he would notice if I didn't give it back. _Duh, it's the only shirt he has with him. Of course he would._

I slipped into a pair of black leggings, and with one last sniff of his shirt, a deep purple hoodie with white lettering on the back that stated, "_I don't puke glamour or piss glitter_." I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and left Alice's room, making my way towards the kitchen where there was the hope of coffee.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Alice sing-songed as she danced around the kitchen. I grunted in response, and shuffled over to the cabinet that housed the coffee mugs. I selected the one with the kissing chickens that said "How about a little peck?" on the rim.

I grabbed the bottle of aspirin and plopped down on a chair with my coffee. Alice placed a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me, and I fought down the nausea as I picked up a piece of bacon.

"Oh!" she said suddenly, flittering across the room to retrieve what looked like my cell phone from the counter. "This thing was ringing like crazy last night."

"Why didn't you give it to me?" I wondered as I scrolled through the missed calls. _Bill collector, Charlie, Phil, Phil, Phil, Sage, Phil, Charlie, Panera… _

"Honestly Bella, do you even remember anything that happened last night?" She tsked and shook her head at me, exasperated by my question.

"I remember," I muttered dejectedly, pushing the eggs around my plate as they got cold. Her arms wrapped around me from behind, and I shoved away the feeling of tears as she kissed my head.

"I'm sorry, Bell, that's not what I meant," she murmured. "Just…you were a little crazy when you came back with Edward. I mean, you threw up last night, and you never do that. Ever. Edward took you upstairs after that, made you drink some water, and you just sorta passed out."

I nodded as I traced my pinky around the rim of my cup. Truthfully, I didn't _want _to remember what happened last night. I wanted to crawl into my bed and wrap the blankets around myself and never ever see daylight again. Well, not _never _again, but not for a few days.

My phone rang, separating us, and I groaned as I read the caller ID. _Work. _Fucking great, they were gonna ask me to work, I just knew it. I answered with a grunt as Edward sauntered into the kitchen. A short conversation later, I was scheduled to work at two.

My head hit the table with a thud. I groaned at the pain that splintered through my head and flipped Alice the bird when she giggled at me.

"Fuck." I whipped my head towards Alice, my eyes wide. "Al, how am I supposed to get to work? I don't have my fucking car."

"I could-" Edward started, but Alice interrupted him with a quick roll of her eyes and, "Take the bug."

I laughed loudly at her, stopping when I realized she wasn't laughing with me. And my head fucking hurt. "You're serious?"

She looked hurt for half a second before she smiled. "Duh. You need a car; I have a car that I don't drive. You drive me everywhere, so think of this as me repaying you."

"Alice," I said, not finding this funny, "You can't be serious. You want me to drive your bright ass yellow _Beetle?_ Me?"

Edward tried again. "Bella, I'd be-"

"Stop your bitching Bella, it's only temporary until you get your car back," she rolled her eyes again and spun on her heel, flouncing out of the room. Grumbling, I turned back to my coffee, and was met with Edward's smirk.

"What?"

"I was trying to say that I'd be more than happy to give you a ride, ya dumbass," he shook his head and sat down at the table with a heaping plate of food. Honestly, it looked like the amount Emmett would eat, not toothpick-skinny Edward. But whatever floats your boat and all that shit.

"Why didn't you say anything before, douche?" I groused. I was stalling, I was stalling big time because I so did not want to have the conversation about what we were and what happened last night, and I knew it was coming.

He threw his hands in the air, eyes wide and incredulous. "Seriously? I _tried."_

I frowned and slumped in my chair. I really wanted to roll my eyes at him, but doing that would only make my headache worse, so I decided against it. …At least until the room stopped spinning.

He sighed, and I kept my eyes on the kissing chickens on the coffee mug. I knew that sigh; that was the _Are we going to talk about this? _sigh. I'd gotten it plenty from Alice and Jacob, especially from my dad and even a few times from Sage. Very few.

He cleared his throat and shifted forward in his seat, strong forearms resting on the table. "Look, Bella, I…we need…this…"

"I need time," I whispered almost inaudibly. My eyes stayed trained on the kissing chickens, unable to look at his face and see anger, hurt, disappointment, any of those.

He exhaled in what sounded like relief, and I glanced up to see his moss green eyes fixed on my face. He gave me that smirk, the one that made me want to jump across the table and firmly attach his lips to mine; I just barely restrained myself.

He nodded, standing up to put his plate in the sink. "I've got time, Bella."

I ran a finger over a chip on the edge of the cup. "It's just…I like you, Edward, but I feel like I don't really know you. I feel like there are so many things we don't know about each other, and even bigger than that, I'm just not ready right now. I need time to get over Sage, and fuck, I need time to heal. And in that time, we should be friends, and we should really get to know each other, and when I'm ready…I'll let you know."

He winked and dropped a kiss on top of my head as he passed, stopping at the foot of the stairs. "I've got time."

The smile on his face could have lit up the moon.

!#$#!

The first thing I did when I walked through the front door was unbuckle my belt. Fucking hated wearing the damn thing, but it was part of the work uniform. I kicked my shoes off and dropped the keys to the Bug on the table near the front door.

The house was abnormally quiet, I noted. My dad must have had to work night shift, and Cailee…well, I didn't have a fucking clue where she was. Sighing, I trudged upstairs and locked the bathroom door behind me. Washing the Panera stink off of me was one of my favorite things to do.

After my shower, I pulled on a pair of boy shorts and an oversized t-shirt and sat down at my desk. I was hoping to have heard something from Sage by now, but it seemed he was avoiding me as much as I was avoiding him.

I searched through various social networks before deciding that he was definitely laying low. I shut my laptop and lie down in bed, dialing his number. I hesitated for a few minutes before I called myself a pussy and finally pushed the damn button. It rang.

And rang.

And rang.

I shook my head at myself. "So fucking stupid." After the sixth ring, I was about to throw the damn thing across the room when someone picked up the phone.

"_Hello_?" It was definitely not Sage. It was a female voice and she sounded incredibly breathless.

I lost all air and squeezed my eyes shut against the tears. _"Hello?" _She said again. I nearly choked on my gasp for breath. Then she spoke again, but to _him _in the background. "_Sage, there's no one there." _And then him… "_Then just hang up baby, nobody's on the phone."_

And I finally realized, as the call disconnected, that to him, I was nobody.

I had let him save me, let him fix me, and given myself to him, and he had taken all of it and turned away from it. Because I was nothing, and I meant nothing to him.

As tears ran down my face, I highlighted a new name and pressed the send button.

I couldn't bear to be alone.

* * *

Ayee, a short chapter, but at least I got one out. Hopefully I'll be able to update a little sooner next time, but I don't know with the way I've been working lately. Crazy busy as of late.

Chapter song is _Caraphernelia _by Pierce The Veil ft. Jeremy McKinnon.

Reviews are lovely!

Much love! xoxo


	6. Undisclosed Desires

**I**f **Y**ou **C**ould **S**ee **I**nto ** M**y **S**oul

**C**hapter **6** – **U**ndisclosed **D**esires

**B**ella's **P O V**

Jacob held me close to his chest, the tears seeming to never cease falling from my eyes. Leah spooned me from behind, stroking my hair softly. Alice was fiddling with my stereo, trying to find the 'just right' volume of the City & Colour CD.

After the S.O.S. phone call I made to Jacob, he and Leah both rushed over, Alice not far behind, looking quite disheveled and concerned. They didn't even bother to knock before rushing into my house and climbing the stairs quickly. Jacob took one look at my pathetic form, and lay down beside me, Leah following his move.

They didn't ask for any explanations; I was sure they already knew what this was about. And I believed I had the greatest damn friends in the world.

I sniffled, feeling the tears finally ebb. Jacob kissed the top of my head and swiped at the tears under my eyes. Leah tightened her hold on me just the tiniest bit and Alice finally returned to her spot at my feet.

We didn't speak much. I hardly looked up from Jacob's chest. In those infinite hours, I felt like my life had fallen to pieces. And at one a.m., when Leah and Jacob had decided to head home, Alice took over Leah's position, and I thought that, maybe, my heart had mended, if only the slightest bit.

!#$#!

I was sure I looked like shit the next day, but honestly, I didn't give a damn. My eyes were puffy from all the crying I'd done and my hair was a rat's nest because I'd never gotten around to brushing it after my shower. I showed up to school looking like a bum, and I couldn't have cared less. Alice, on the other hand…

She_ tsk_ed as we stepped out of the car. She was, of course, as fashionable as ever. She had on white skinny jeans and a navy blue sweater that hung off one shoulder. I had on my most comfortable pair of yoga pants and a gray sweater with an anchor.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and decided to ignore Alice as best I could. She may be my best friend, but she sure as hell could annoy the fuck out of me. I had purposely picked Alice up later than usual, and had driven slower than necessary to avoid any empty time. We went our separate ways for first period, and I thought I would be okay.

That was, until lunch came around. Sage was there of course, though I did my best to avoid looking at him. It wasn't him that bothered me so much as it was the blond bimbo he had draped across his lap. Oh, and his tongue was totally down her throat.

Edward took the seat next to me and I gave him a sad smile. He draped an arm behind me and I leaned my head on his shoulder, needing the support more than I thought I would. The table soon filled up and everyone chattered on around me, while I was lost…somewhere.

Lunch was a fairly quiet affair. For our lunch table, it was quite unusual, but when I looked around all I noticed were couples, so I guessed everyone was just enjoying their significant other. And then there was me. And Edward, still with his arm behind me. It was the first time I was the odd man out, and I felt weird. I had an urge to wrap my arms around Edward just to feel like I was part of the group. It was a little disconcerting.

When we were finally dismissed from lunch, I threw away my still full brown paper bag and shuffled out of the cafeteria. I did my best to ignore Sage, but I just couldn't stop the ache in my chest when I looked at him. She had her hand in his back pocket and he had his hand in hers. It was _our _thing. Or so I had thought.

Edward snuck up behind me as I trudged down the hallway. His eyes were full of sympathy, and just looking at him looking at me brought tears to my eyes. He brought me in for a hug, and I didn't bother trying to hide the sobs that wracked my body, or the way my tears soaked into his shirt. He whispered comforting words to me and rocked us slowly back and forth, his hand stroking my hair.

It lasted no longer than a minute before I pulled away and wiped my eyes, avoiding his gaze. Edward took my cues and led me to my classroom. Just before we parted ways, he gave me a soft kiss on my forehead and another crushing hug. The smile that lit his lips was small, fraught with worry, but it managed to keep me afloat for the rest of the day.

!#$#!

The remainder of the day was mostly a blur. I didn't pay attention much in any of my classes, but I wasn't worried about it. I didn't bother stopping at my locker, I just wandered outside and got in my car, waiting for Alice to arrive. When she finally did, her fingers were intertwined with Jasper's. She didn't need to tell me that she would be going home with him, it was obvious.

What surprised me, though, was when Edward came up to my car and wondered if I'd like to go to his house. I tried to come up with an excuse as to why I couldn't go, wishing for the reprieve of my bedroom, where I would be free to cry myself to sleep without question. But he merely told me to bring Cailee along with me and walked to his car. It was an unspoken agreement that I would follow him.

And follow him, I did. He lived about twenty minutes from school. After picking Cailee up from school, we went directly to his house. It was in the nicer part of the city; his house was concrete, two stories, with ivy growing up the sides. The porch was wide, the grass lush green. The flowers were pruned to perfection.

Cailee's hand snuck into mine, and I just managed to stop her other hand on its route to her mouth when Edward pushed open the front door. He ushered us in and then shut the door behind us, shaking his coat off.

"Esme?" he called, ducking around a wall, which lead to a very good sized kitchen. The walls were a mocha color, the cabinets were a beautiful cherry, and the space was airy and full of light. It smelled of freshly baked goods, and when I spotted the woman whom I assumed he was calling for, I felt like I'd been transported to another era.

She looked as though she'd stepped straight out of the 50's. Her hair was caramel in color, her wide brown eyes twinkling happily, a wide smile stretched across her face. She wore an apron over her tailored skirt and blouse. I had a hard time believing Edward disliked this woman. Upon seeing her, Cailee shyly hid behind my leg.

"Hello, Edward," she said sweetly, and turning to me, stuck her hand out. "Hello, dear."

"Esme, this is Bella. And her sister, Cailee. Bella, this is my step-mother, Esme," Edward said, somewhat formally. Esme's handshake turned into a hug, which I returned awkwardly, with a withering look thrown over her shoulder. Edward merely shrugged, uninterested.

She then sank to a crouch, making herself eye level with Cailee. "Hello, Cailee. Would you like to help me make some cookies?"

Cailee nodded cautiously, stepping out from behind my leg. She glanced unsurely at me, and I nodded in approval. She took Esme's hand and they walked over to the kitchen island, where Esme helped Cailee into a tall chair and gave her a bowl and spoon.

"Esme, Bella and I are going to be in my room-" she shot him a disapproving glance and he rolled his eyes, continuing quickly, "_with the door open_. So, if you need me…." He let his sentence linger as he motioned me up the stairs with a quick nod of his head.

The staircase was wide, the wall next to it decorated with family pictures. There was an unfamiliar woman in some of them, but the resemblance to Edward made me believe it was his mother. She was incredibly beautiful. Three of the five bedrooms were up the stairs. Edward's was the last one, around the corner, at the end of the hall.

"Well," he waved me inside, and then stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I didn't take you for a pink sort of guy," I teased half-heartedly, noticing the vibrant color he'd tried to cover with an array of posters.

He rolled his eyes and plopped heavily on his bed. I tried – only a little – to avert my eyes from the trail of hair that disappeared into his dark skinny jeans, but his eyes caught mine. My cheeks flared with a blush and he smirked.

"Rosalie made me trade rooms with her a while back. She said the neighbor was checking her out." He chuckled under his breath, standing up and making his way to the window. "_I _suggested that she close the blinds, but she didn't like that. Besides, the guy totally was checking her out. He caught a nice glimpse of my junk and I haven't seen his face since."

If he was trying to lighten the mood, he certainly succeeded. I could only imagine too clearly the look on his neighbor's face as he hoped to find the statuesque Rosalie in the window, only to see Edward's 'junk.' I could imagine how that would scar anyone.

I said the last part out loud, and he threw me a wounded look. "I have _never _received a complaint."

The stab of jealousy threw me for a loop, and I couldn't think of a retort, so I merely shrugged. He wasn't mine, so I had no reason to feel jealous of the girls he had been with. Except that I was. His gaze turned curious, but he didn't comment. I turned my attention instead to the vast shelving of music he owned.

"This is pretty impressive," I murmured, removing a Black Crowes CD from the shelf. I'd heard of the band, but never listened much to them.

He sucked his tongue ring, looking uncomfortable. Maybe that I was touching his things? I made a move to put the CD back where I'd gotten it from, but he took it from me, powering up the stereo that sat on the shelf next to us.

"There's this song…" he shook his head, looking like he was at a loss for words. He studied the back of the CD case, and then began seeking through the songs, landing on one that I vaguely knew.

"It's a good song," I shrugged, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. He suddenly looked nervous as he took the seat next to me. _She Talks to Angels_ filled his room.

"When…when I heard this song, it made me think of you. I can't explain it, really. Maybe it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it reminds me of you. Every time." It was his turn to shrug, and he left the bed again. He switched The Black Crowes for Muse and left me alone for a minute to retrieve our backpacks from where we'd left them in the car.

I stood when he entered. "I completely forgot about homework. I should probably go help Cail with hers."

He shook his head and sat on the bed. "Esme's already helping Cailee with it."

"Oh," was my brilliant response. Edward produced a plate of warm cookies, and raised his pierced eyebrow at me. I wanted to bite it. His comment earlier, about the song, made my brain go fuzzy. I snatched a cookie from the plate and shoved it in my mouth, whole. I took my backpack from him and sat back against the headboard, getting comfortable.

We worked mostly in silence. Edward hummed or sang occasionally, making my insides go all warm and tingly. At those times, I'd stuff another cookie in my mouth so as not to embarrass myself by saying something stupid.

Just as we were finishing up, there was a commotion downstairs. Emmett's booming voice was the first thing I heard, before two pairs of feet came bounding up the stairs. Edward's door flew open wider, and Emmett's face dropped its wide smile.

"I _told _you!" Came Rosalie's smug voice from somewhere behind Emmett. He stepped aside and she entered. "Emmett thought you guys would already be fucking each other, but _I told him_ it wasn't like that! Ha!"

My face burned, and I turned away from them, focusing on the trees outside.

"Dammit, Edward!" Emmett sounded as though we'd personally offended him by not fucking each other. "Well, Es says dinner is ready."

He turned then, Rosalie behind him, continuing on with her rant about how right she was. Edward cleared his throat, scratching his head through his beanie. I began packing up my books and such, thinking it was time for Cailee and me to go.

Edward halted my movements. "You are going to stay, aren't you? Esme will be highly offended if you leave now. Don't let my stupid-ass brother make you feel uncomfortable. He wants everyone else to be fucking because Rosalie has been keeping him in the doghouse lately."

"Is that weird?" I found myself blurting out. "The two of them together, I mean. Does that weird you guys out?"

He shrugged, stretching his arms over his head. "It was strange at first. And it was even stranger when they started fucking – Es and Carlisle were not happy about that. But they love each other, and they aren't related. So, no, I don't think it's weird."

I noticed that he referred to his father as Carlisle, but chose not to comment on it. I followed him down the stairs and back into the kitchen, where the dining room table had been set for all of us. I took the seat next to Cailee, who had chocolate smeared over her face. She beamed at me, and I was glad to see this Cailee instead of the demon-Cailee. Edward took the seat next to me, removing his beanie from his head. Evidently, respect was big in the Cullen household.

Just as Esme was setting a large pot of what looked like ravioli on the table, Dr. Cullen walked through the front door. Again, she reminded me of the 50's. Her apron still on, she scuttled to meet him at the door. She took his briefcase from his hand and set it down, like it was too difficult for him to do after a hard day's work. She helped him remove his jacket, and then kissed him full on the lips, telling him dinner was already on the table. He entered the kitchen loosening his tie, taking the remaining seat at the head of the table.

"Hello everyone," he said, his smile wide. His eyes lit as he caught my face. I had the distinct impression he could not remember my name.

There was a murmured hello from everyone around the table. It seemed that everyone was frozen in place, waiting for someone to move. And then Carlisle moved, and we all followed suit. Dinner was a fairly quiet event. Dr. Cullen and Esme conversed pleasantly, and they would occasionally turn to one of their children and ask them a question, which would warrant a pleasant reply. I felt entirely out of place.

And then Cailee spoke up. "Dr. Cullen, my boo-boo is all better now!"

"Cailee," I muttered quietly, "don't talk with your mouth full, please." She pouted.

"That's quite all right…" He trailed off, and again I felt as though he had no idea who I was.

"Bella," Edward inserted tersely. Carlisle's eyes flickered over his son, head down, and fist around his fork.

"Bella, of course, how could I forget?" he murmured, his words only seeming sincere. Then he turned to Cailee. "I see that your boo-boo is indeed all better. I'm quite glad."

Emmett snickered as he reached for seconds. Cailee beamed.

!#$#!

Edward remained silent after dinner. It had been an awkward affair, but I didn't see his need to sulk over it. I helped Esme clear the table, despite her protests, and when I saw Cailee falling asleep on the sofa next to Dr. Cullen, I announced that it was time for us to leave.

Edward silently retrieved mine and Cailee's backpacks as I helped Cail into her coat and shoes, and then did the same for myself. Edward walked us out to my car, his hands deep in his pockets.

"I'm sorry about that," he made a vague gesture towards his house. I shrugged, not really bothered by the strange event.

"Can I ask you something?" I wondered, leaning against the Beetle for support. I was reminded that my car was still with Sage, and I needed it back. I'd have to talk to him about that.

Edward nodded cautiously. "You seem to not like your father very much. I guess I was just wondering why?"

I was aware that my question was more of a statement, and also aware of the way Edward's face darkened. He chuckled mirthlessly, tugging at the hair that hadn't been covered by the beanie. "It's a long story," he muttered, kicking at a rock.

I turned away from him, making my way around the car. So he didn't want to talk about it. I could respect that. "Well, I'd like to hear it someday."

His anger surprised me. "How about you just drop it?"

I looked at him, something twisting unpleasantly in my gut. Shaking my head, I got in the Beetle; Cailee's soft breathing meeting my ears. I started the car and began backing out of the long drive. Instead of going back inside the house, Edward disappeared in the trees surrounding.

The drive home was silent, and when I pulled in my driveway, I was unsurprised to see my father's car gone. He was never home much. I extracted Cailee from the car and changed her into a pair of pajamas before putting her to bed. After changing into a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie, I grabbed my laptop from my desk and sat Indian-style on my bed.

My phone chirped with a text message, and I glanced at the screen long enough to see that it was from Edward. I scanned the short version, reading the '_I'm sorry'_ and imagining the look on his face. I knew it was sincere, but I did not reply.

Instead, I picked up my phone and sent a text to Sage.

_We need to talk. I want my car back. – B_

After sifting through Facebook and my e-mail, I shut my laptop down and lay my head on my pillow. To my surprise, my phone rang. And it was Sage.

"Hello?" I answered hesitantly.

"_Hey. What are you talking about; you want your car back?" _He was immediately on the defensive. Great.

"Uh, exactly that. I'd like my car back," I stated plainly. My phone beeped, telling me I had a text, but I didn't look to see who it was from.

Sage chuckled, and I was reminded of why I loved him. "_Bell, I can't give you your car back. Then I wouldn't have a car."_

"I don't really see how that's my problem, Sage. I'm sure you have plenty of people willing to give you a ride wherever it is you'd like to go. I'd like my car back, so I can get it fixed."

"_Fixed?"_ He didn't sound surprised, but confused.

"Yes, fixed. Last time I checked, there was a sizeable dent in the bumper." I shook my head, pulling my blankets up tighter to my neck.

"_Right. I'm not paying for that."_

I hardly suppressed a growl. "I'm not asking you to pay for it. I just want my car."

"_Fine,"_ he snapped. _"I'll bring it to school tomorrow."_

"How will you get home tomorrow?" I couldn't help but wonder.

"_I don't think you need to worry about that," _he murmured.

"Right, you're right, I'm not worried about that. You can give me the keys at lunch."

"_Fine." _He was silent, and I was about to hang up, when he whispered, _"What are you wearing?"_

"You're disgusting," was all I could manage, before I disconnected the call and pulled the blanket over my head.

I had completely forgotten about the text I'd received while on the phone, and was too tired to read it then. I drifted to sleep and dreamt of Edward and his emerald green gaze.

* * *

Reviews are lovely. Sorry for the long delay; such is life.

The songs are _Undisclosed Desires _by Muse and _She Talks to Angels _by The Black Crowes.

See ya next time.


End file.
